Yep, and expectations are dashed to the rocks like the surf.
This rollicking adventures has lots of swashbuckling, sword fights galore, evil mermaids and more mascara than a New York runway during fashion week. Yet it bores.
If you have kiddies, you have no choice– you’ve got to fork over more booty to Disney. But if you’re an adult movie fan, save your money. This lightweight fare isn’t worth your time.
We’ve been there, done that and the bag of tricks feels empty. The plot is a convoluted tale of the search for the fountain of youth. The scriptwriters seemingly discovered energy drinks while writing this; the story is never ending.
And the uninspired Hans Zimmer soundtrack only adds to the tedium. It sounds like needledrop music from beginning to end.
Rob Marshall (Chicago, Nine) directs endless fight scenes with a deft hand for choreography, yet somehow this whole film lacks soul, humor, excitement and humanity.
Frankly, my dears, I just didn’t give a damn what happened next.
It’s a pity to spend so much money on big sets, lavish costumes, casts of hundreds, real star power, beautiful cinematography, cool special effects and end up with such precious little treasure. Unfortunately, it’ll make another billion. Cha-ching, maties!
After viewing this mess, I felt like pirates have robbed me of a couple hours of my life. Yawn.
What do you suppose they paid Penelope Cruz to jump aboard this shipwreck?
Good question. A cool million, maybe?
For that amount, I doubt she’d even show up for craft services.
You’re probably right. How about $5 million and M&M Peanuts at all times on craft services table!
Throw in some Twizzlers, too!
The Twizzlers would do it.
They’ve closed many a big deal.