I fed the beast. Ponied-up some money to see Jurassic World. If you’re one of the 316 people left on the planet who has not seen it, let this serve as a warning.

Don’t! It’s a steaming pile of dino dump.

All the money and attention is paid in the service of the technology that creates dinosaurs in ones and zeros, and by that measure, the film succeeds. You will believe dinosaurs exist and they won’t make very good house pets.

As for the protoplasm side of the equation, this film is chocked with B and C level talent. Okay, except for Chris Pratt, who has star power and does what he can given the lameness of the script. Vincent D’Onofrio chews up some scenery, and the rest of the cast feels like a community theatre production. It’s as if IMDB had a lottery and the cast was selected on the basis of their “luckiness.”

Bryce Dallas Howard is the lead. Huh? Why?

I won’t bother going on. The message is that people and their greed are bad. Special effects good. Who am I kidding–– you’re going to see it, aren’t you?

Welcome to modern cinema, where computers rule and humans pay to see their handiwork.