Trump Achieves Record Popularity In Russia

While President Donald J. Trump battles fake news, dozens of books airing his dirty laundry, and unfounded witch hunts, some Americans have become treasonous traitors and doubt the integrity of our leader–– but that’s not the case for Russians.

In Russia, Trump has achieved record popularity for an American president. Last week, his popularity was 97%. This week it is 100% (with a slight decline in population amoung those polled).

“Our people love your President Trump,” said Russian diplomat Arkady Afonika. “We believe he is doing a wonderful job in making America great again!”

The Russian people normally do not cotton much to American presidents.

“They have all been imperialistic pigs,” Afonika said as he spat on the ground. “May they be eaten by tigers and snakes and let roaches eat their entrails. But Trump is different. He is a glorious leader who always puts his people first–– before his or his family’s interests. That is what all great leaders do. This is why presidents Putin and Trump work so well together. They both love their people so very much. They care more for their precious children than themselves.”

Afonika feels sorry for America’s leader. “It is outrageous that some people do not trust Donald Trump. He is a man known worldwide as a speaker of truth. His word is his bond and his bond is unbreakable. I believe anyone who questions him should be put in a camp until they pledge their undying allegiance to him.”

Coincidentally, presidential counselor Kellyanne Conway said the president is considering Arkady Afonika for a cabinet position.

“The president thinks he needs more diversity in his White House and he believes comrade Afonika would do a tremendous job for the Amerca,” she told The Lint Screen.