Trump Calls Batman ‘The Enemy Of The People’ And Wants Him Captured

Trump claims Batman is responsible for the global pandemic

Ever since this whole coronavirus hub-bub, the do-nothing Democrats have wished for massive casualties because they hate America–– but fortunately, Donald J. Trump is our president!

Today Trump called The Lint Screen to talk about the decisive actions his administration is taking to protect his loyal subjects.

“I’ve been reading up a lot on this coronavirus,” the commander-in-chief said. “No one knows more about it than I do. One of the things I found out is that the virus started in China because of Batman. Most people don’t know that. He bit people and gave them coronavirus. Has a very dirty mouth. I told Mike Pence to capture Batman because he is an enemy of the people. Mike said he would pray on it. He dropped to his knees. I smacked him and said, ‘Do it now, God-boy.’ Then he promised he would do it.”

Trump believes Batman is going around the world and infecting millions.

“Batman’s not a superhero. He’d like you to believe that, but it’s a lie,” Trump said. “A total hoax. Fake hero. He’s a very bad guy, needs to be put down. Robin, too. Bad hombres, both of them.”

Since learning about the coronavirus, the president has taken decisive actions to save America.

“My administration has done more than any other administration in history,” he proclaimed. “Obama would have invited Batman to the White House and spread the virus. But we immediately shut down the borders, stopped ordering Chinese food, playing Chinese checkers, and rushed to build the wall. We’ve completed 18,000 miles of the wall, and I designed it with greased sides so Batman can’t scale it.”

The president points to his head. “Using the old noodle. Very stable. Very genius.”

He estimates his actions have saved at least 300 million American lives.

“We have it very much under control,” he declared. “There’s only one, maybe two cases. It could be none. I told the drug companies to make a vaccine fast. Very fast. Don’t want slow. And because of my leadership, we’ll have tremendous results. But, then again, maybe not. We’ll see what happens. If there are more cases, blame Batman and the Democrats.”

 

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus” ––  a dark humor romp across America in the early ’80s. You are one click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

 

 

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