Disgraced twice-impeached ex-President Donald J. Trump who once said anyone who took the Fifth Amendment must be guilty, yesterday “took the Fifth” almost 450 times testifying in a civil suit deposition in New York City.

“Why should I talk?” Trump rhetorically asks The Lint Screen. “The stupid laws of the United States don’t apply to me. I was president, the greatest president of all time, and everyone knows I’m still president because I got cheated, so I don’t have to say nothing to nobody.”

New York Attorney General Letitia James sought evidence that Donald Trump instructed the Trump Organization to use “fraudulent or misleading asset valuations” to obtain favorable loans and other economic benefits.

“She is a racist,” Trump says with certainty. “And Letitia James is part of the deep state that invaded my home in Mar-a-Lago and planted evidence on me. She’s married to LeBron James. They’re both black. They must be married. LeBron’s never been nice to me. He’s said nasty things. LeBron was never very good at basketball anyway, so he’s getting nastier. Now I have his wife after me too. It’s not right. They’re the criminals, not me.”

Trump is the eternal victim, feeling paranoid that everyone is out to get him.

“These liberal witch hunts won’t stop,” he says. “Why don’t people believe me when I say I’m innocent and want to make America great again? I never lie. Why would I? I’m God. And American Heroes like Ted Cruz, Josh Hawley, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Ron Johnson, Lindsey Graham, and Jimmie Boy Jordan–say I’m a patriot! Patriots don’t lie, especially when they were TV stars.”

Trump smiles smugly. “These clowns are giving me plenty of ammo to shakedown my rubes for money.” Trump darts his head side-to-side. “Did I say that out loud? If I did, I didn’t mean it.”

He storms out of the room.

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