The Lint Screen

Trump Says “Lincoln is very overrated; I’m doing much better at leading the nation”

The president is not overly impressed by the bearded one.

One of the things Americans love about President Donald Trump is his humbleness. Yesterday, after fielding softball questions from Fox News anchors, the prez sat with The Lint Screen and let down his hair.

“A lot of people think Lincoln was the greatest American president,” said the blond one, “but I think they’re wrong. All Lincoln did was free the slaves. Okay, I’ll give him that. But I told freedom-lovers in Michigan, Minnesota, and Virginia to enjoy their liberty and go back to work. And they all grabbed their guns, dressed up like soldiers, and protested. They did what I said. Now, that’s real leadership!”

Trump thinks history has been too kind on Lincoln.

“The press was very easy on Lincoln,” he said. “He never had to deal with the viciousness of the fake news media like me. They are very unfair to me. They never recognize how I built the world’s greatest economy and made America great again. I inherited a country in shambles from Obama. People were dying in the streets. Executive bonuses were an embarrassment, and companies paid money in taxes they could have used for stock buybacks. The army had guns but no bullets–– they were using pieces of potatoes, throwing rocks. Unemployment was something like 80%. I changed all that. I fixed the country. Then the Chinese and Democrats invented coronavirus as a weapon to make me look bad.”

The president shakes his head. “But I proved them wrong. Obama left me no pandemic plan, no vaccine. Nothing. The medical experts were predicting America would have 280-300 million coronavirus deaths, but thanks to my decisive action, leadership, and smart medical advice like injecting disinfectant for cleaner lungs, I think we’ll keep it down to 80,000 to 100,000. That means I’ve saved 300 million American lives. So even if we lose five million people, I’ve still saved 295 million. Lincoln never did anything as impressive as that. And I even wrote checks to Americans, giving them money for things like food, shelter, medicine. Lincoln never did anything like that.”

Trump thinks history has been kind on Lincoln out of liberal guilt.

“If Lincoln didn’t get himself assassinated by Lawrence Welk Booth,” the leader of the free world opined, “I seriously doubt history would even remember him. I don’t know, maybe. He wore that stupid big hat and had a beard. Abe had a distinctive look; I’ll give him that. But as for his performance as president, I think Lincoln is vastly overrated; I’m doing much better at leading the nation in troubled times than he did. But people don’t appreciate the tremendous job I’m doing. Americans should be pledging allegiance to me daily. They really should. I deserve it.”

Trump paused and looked up at the Lincoln Monument statue.

“They better build a statue of me that’s ten times bigger than Lincoln’s. I deserve it,” he said. “I’ll talk to Mitch and Lindsey about getting one for me before the end of summer.”

Ivanka Trump came running up the steps and jumped onto her daddy’s lap as the president beamed.

“Did Lincoln have a daughter this absolutely gorgeous?” he asks.

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s entertaining debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus” ––  a dark humor romp across America in the early ’80s. You are one click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

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46 responses to “Trump Says “Lincoln is very overrated; I’m doing much better at leading the nation””

  14. […] “Biden claims to have received over 81 million votes. They are all fake votes! We know it’s a lie. Hugo Chavez designed Dominion voting machines. They are designed to cheat the will of free people and usher in a socialistic hellhole. Our alternate electors are fighting this travesty of justice as we speak. They will deliver our glorious leader back into the White House, where he can continue his excellent job with the pandemic with true GOP patriots standing by his side. We must prevail over evil RINOs like Brian Kemp trying to destroy our greatest American leader.“ […]

  21. […] “The worst thing is all the Antifa people dressed like MAGA folks attacking the brave cops and chanting they wanted to kill Mike Pence and Nancy Pelosi.” Johnson took a deep breath. “I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if Pelosi wasn’t behind the whole affair. Democrats have done everything in their power to disgrace President Trump, who everyone agrees is the greatest leader this country has ever had!“ […]

  22. […] “The entire event on January 6 was an obvious false flag operation of Antifa,” Gaetz says. “Of course, the evil Democrats who hate democracy tried to blame it on white supremacists and right wing militias. That’s total B.S. There is no such thing as white supremacists– they are boogie men who only live in the imagination of liberals. I think Democrats create these fantasies because they feel so guilty about stealing the election from Donald Trump, who is without a doubt America’s greatest president.“ […]

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