Last night, America witnessed disgraced twice-impeached, recently indicted ex-President Donald J. Trump chewing the fat with Russian propagandist stooge Tucker Carlson, who was sitting on a phone book to look like a big boy.

“America is awful,” Trump told Friar Tuck. “We’re the worst country on earth. A shit-hole. Our military is horrible. The FBI and IRS are hunting down Trump voters and killing them. Our economy has collapsed, unemployment is 98%, the stock market has crashed, and people are eating rats, cockroach stew, mud pies––anything they can get their hands on. Joe Biden has ruined everything I worked so hard to do to make America great again.”

Carlson bobbed his head like a German Shepherd bobblehead in an earthquake.

“Look at other world leaders,” Trump continued. “Putin and Xi are top of the line. Very smart guys. So smart. Vlad invaded Ukraine. He’s bombing citizens, hospitals, killing kids, and sending a clear message––’I’m strong and tough. Give up! Ukraine is mine!’ Putin is Brilliant.”

Tucker smiles. “I love comrade Vladimir. He’s a good man. A great leader.”

“Yes, he is Tuckinator,” Trump says. “Putin and I got along great because we respected each other. I kept him in line by trying to dissemble NATO and trashing our intelligence agencies because I trusted his word.”

“And what about President Xi in China?” Tucksidoodle asks.

“Xi is also a wonderful leader,” Trump says. “Like Putin, he knows you have to control the narrative. You tell people what the truth is. If citizens get out of line, if they question you, you’ve got to send them to prison or labor camps. If journalists cross you, do like MBS in Saudi Arabia and saw them into pieces. That’s the only way to govern. The iron fist rules.”

“You know a lot about leadership, Mr. President,” Tucky-Wucky-Woodle coos.

“I can’t wait to get back into office again,” Trump says. “I will get revenge on all those who doubted me. And all the witch hunters. We’ll free the January 6 patriots and start extracting justice and retribution.”

“Sound like an excellent platform,” What The Tuck says. “You’ve got my vote.”

“Good. And God help anyone who doesn’t vote for me,” Trump says, punching his fist into his open palm. “They’ll see I’m playing politics for keeps.”

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Read PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a traveling circus in the early 1980s. Also available in audiobook. Click here for a fun ride. Buckle up and go.