Russia’s President Vladimir Putin encourages all Americans to rally their support for President Donald J. Trump in 2020.
“If Americans want be patriots, they must vote Trump,” Putin tells The Lint Screen. “Donald Trump has done incredible job. He is best president ever. Much better than black Obama.“
Putin has been very impressed by the performance of President Trump.
“He is strong man. He against fake news media. He enemy to enemies of state,” Putin says in clipped English. “Trump for law and order. Bill Barr justice. Trump will bring military and squash agitators like bug. Will demand order. Jail enemies. Kill those opposed to him. Clean up America. Rid country of liberal Biden radicals. Biden bad, bad man. Only Trump make America great! MAGA!!!”
The Russian president thinks Trump has done a “fantastic job” on COVID-19.
“He protect Americans,” Putin says as a white cat jumps on his lap and he pets it. “Pandemic hoax. Will disappear. Trump fights evil science. Masks bad. Distance to others bad. Fast vaccine good. No need for testing vaccine. Too much science. Waste time. No climate change. Science hoax.”
Putin believes President Trump has elevated the position of the U.S. on the world stage.
“Leaders like me, Kim Jong Un, Duterte in Philippines, Xi in China, el-Sissi in Egypt, and Erdogan in Turkey, we all fear Trump,” Putin says with hands waving. “Very scary Trump! Please stop, President Trump. You are so strong. So very smart. So handsome. You have beautiful wife Melania. Please to tell her all your deep secrets. She will keep safe secrets. Tell her everything. Military secrets. Nuclear codes. Everything. Tell Melania. She good woman. And Ivanka hot babe.“
The white cat looks up at Putin’s puffy pink face and swipes his cheek with its razor-sharp claws. Putin throws the cat from his lap, and it scampers away. The Russian leader dabs his bleeding wound with a silk handkerchief and smiles.
“Tell Americans they must vote Trump. He will protect them from radical Joe Biden. Trump wins or else war. America battle America.”
Putin smiles, claps his hands, and dispatches a goon squad to find the white cat and dispense Novichok on its fur.
———————————————————————————————-
Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a dark humor romp across America in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.
25 responses to “Putin Says Americans Must Let Trump Finish Job of Making America Great Again”
[…] President Donald J. Trump is a man who loves shattering norms. His latest conquest? The American election system. […]
[…] Wallace guzzles more Goose. “It’s ugly and dangerous out there. Trump called on the Proud Boys for Chrissake. That MF-er has an army of armed White Supremacist lunatics. This dangerous thug must be stopped before he breaks democracy and becomes a dictator.“ […]
[…] COVID-19 vaccine.” The president smiles and props his feet on the Resolute desk. “I’ve established a tremendous relationship with Putin. Great guy. Smart. Very strong. So I called him and asked if he’d like to be in charge of my […]
[…] “It’s ridiculous,” Trump declared. “I put a stop to all this crooked counting. One plus one is two–– says who? Look at the history of arithmetic. It wasn’t even invented here. Math came from Greece or some other shithole country. I like things made in America, so I decided to get rid of it. I’ve still got work to do making America great again.“ […]
[…] Donald J. Trump’s firstborn son Don Jr. is known for being a straight shooter, and he has the presidential 2020 election in his […]
[…] my client, President Donald J. Trump, the second term in office he so rightly deserves. He has made America great again […]
[…] “patriots” worried that the radical Joe Biden will destroy the beautiful utopian America Donald Trump has built, so they stormed the United States Capitol and trashed […]
[…] only way America will ever be free is to surrender itself to Donald J. Trump,” she said. “This Pennsylvania groundhog has a mind meld with Joe Biden and is […]
[…] line is all Jesus did was die for our sins to save us from eternal damnation. Trump came here to make America great again and save us from the evil Democrats and Satan. Americans need to praise Trump! If they don’t, […]
[…] for a chicken thigh. “The bad people were Antifa and Black Lives Matter thugs disguised like MAGA folks. It was a big Democrat plot trying to make me look […]
[…] money? Any presents we could return for a refund so you can contribute to the Trump Defense Fund? Would you like to make America Great again? You look like a little girl who loves her country, and I’m sure you’d like to […]
[…] “Shut up, Donnie,” the father says, smacking his eldest son upside his head. “Tithe for Trump is all about helping our supporters. It’s all about making it more convenient for our patriotic MAGA supporters, so they don’t have to make donations to me over and over again. I want to make it easy for them to help me make America great again!“ […]
[…] we can stop the steal, and I can get back into office and continue doing my fantastic job of making America great again. I was definitely the greatest president of all time. Everyone says […]
[…] to President Trump,” Hice whined, his arms flailing like an Inflatable wind puppet. “He was making America great again, and they couldn’t stand it. Tell you what I think– I think democracy ain’t working […]
[…] box- they do not want Trump. Still he persists in his lies and pursuit of power. The man is a liar, an enemy of truth, the likes of which we have never seen […]
[…] seem like the end of democracy,” the tall Californian says. “Of course, liberals hate everything President Trump did to make America great again, so I guess it’s natural they want to paint him the bad guy. I’m sure whatever happened […]
[…] “The Cyber Ninjas did a bang-up job,” McGuire reports. “I think every Arizonan and American can feel confident we got to the truth. If we saw a ballot marked for Biden, we knew something fishy was going on. So we proved it came from China, Italy, or outer space. These space aliens are very clever, and they don’t want President Trump making America great again.“ […]
[…] The MAGA man doesn’t understand how anyone likes Ted Lasso. […]
[…] him I’d like my old job back once he’s the ruler. He can trust me this time! I’m serious!!!VLAD P: Comrade Meadows, tell him I said, “Excellent job. I am most proud.”SEAN H: Hey, Mark–– what […]
[…] it because these brave patriots believe in strongmen like Donald J. Trump or Vladimir Putin? Because they want authoritarian, brilliant, charismatic leaders to make their decisions for them? […]
[…] p.m. President Vladimir Putin: Does that idiot have his phone on? I’ve been trying to get through to him for over 15 min. […]
[…] to question Trump’s claims on air. WTF?! That’s bad for our brand. We can’t have the truth sneaking into Fox News. Hell, they’re hurting News Corp’s stock price. It’s […]
[…] your water, and then he went to Ukraine. No one knows why. Ukraine is fine. Putin is not a threat. Putin was never a threat when I was in office. I controlled him. He was gentle as a […]
[…] by President Donald J. Trump? He is the one man in the country who is working night and day to Make America Great Again. It says so on Trump hats, so you know it’s true. And can anyone possibly dispute God […]
[…] “America is awful,” Trump told Friar Tuck. “We’re the worst country on earth. A shit-hole. Our military is horrible; the FBI and IRS are hunting down Trump voters and killing them. The economy has collapsed, unemployment is 98%, the stock market has crashed, and people are eating rats, cockroach stew––anything they can get their hands on. Joe Biden has ruined everything I worked so hard to do to make America great again.” […]