Although America’s sweetheart Kayleigh McEnany has only been on the job since February, she knows President Donald Trump well.

“I have always been a big fan of his,” she says as she flashes a smile that makes even Crest Extra White Toothpaste envious. “President Trump is just a great, great, fabulous, wonderful man. And if Americans don’t wake up, there’s going to be trouble. They better get in line. Fast.”

She tells The Lint Screen she has the Big Guy’s full trust.

“The president is horribly misunderstood,” she says as she looks in the mirror and applies mascara.

“He’s doing an incredible job and gets upset because people aren’t thanking him for the tremendous work he’s doing. If he hadn’t taken decisive action and shut down flights from China earlier this year, I’ll bet over 100,000 people would have died from COVID-19, and we would probably have a couple of million cases. But thanks to him, we averted disaster. You’re welcome, America!”

Kayleigh takes a pair of solid-gold tweezers from her Prado bag and looks in the mirror as she plucks a few rogue eyebrow hairs.

“I don’t think enough citizens appreciate the fact that the president is giving up billions of dollars a year to serve his people.” She finishes plucking and pulls a compact from her bag and begins applying blush.

“President Trump is doing our country a huge favor, and it’s costing him a fortune. Literally. And as an added bonus, he brought along the brain trust of Ivanka and Jared to help lead the nation out of the carnage we experienced at the demonic hands of Obama.”

She returns her compact in the Prado, taking out a tube of Sisley Hydrating Long Lasting Lipstick. As she carefully applies it, she stops and speaks.

“I’d hate for people to get hurt needlessly,” she says. “But if they don’t shape up pretty quick and start thanking him for the great job he’s doing, the president is going to have to use the military, National Guard, and the police to dominate the streets and start encouraging some appreciation. He won’t suffer ingrates. That’s insulting to a man who is far greater than Abraham Lincoln.”

She puckers and dabs her lush kisser with a tissue.

“It’s like the First Lady said,” Kayleigh says. “‘Be best.’ And Americans had better ‘Be Best’ if they know what’s good for them.”

She spritzes some Chanel Chance Eau de Parfum on her alabaster skin, returns the bottle to her bag, and snaps it shut.

“I’ve got to go see The Chief and get the 100% truth. You can’t trust the fake news media, but I’ll set them straight.”

She exits the room, leaving an intoxicating scent in her wake.

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s entertaining debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus” ––  a dark humor romp across America in the early ’80s. You are one click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.