Perhaps the greatest trait of President Donald J. Trump is his decisive leadership. And today, and he showed that skill again.
The president secured the services of world-renowned magician David Copperfield to address the raging COVID-19 global pandemic.
“I’ve been saying for months that this coronavirus will disappear,” the nation’s leader told The Lint Screen. “Now, I’m going to prove it.”
Trump has always been impressed with David Copperfield.
“When I had my casino in Atlantic City, I hired David,” the president said. “He was incredible. He once pulled a silver dollar out of my ear–– I had no idea it was in there! Then he made the silver dollar disappear. He even made my nose disappear. Who knows how he did that. Amazing. Copperfield is the best; everyone says so. But even with his tremendous talent, my casino went bankrupt. It’s almost impossible to build a business on gambling. The house always loses. That’s why almost no casino ever succeeds.”
The fake news media has been lambasting the president on his handling of the coronavirus.
“No one knew this pandemic was coming,” Trump said. “I’ve done a tremendous job with the coronavirus. Without me shutting down flights from China, experts estimate 300 million Americans would be dead. But I don’t get credit for that––credit for saving 300 million American lives. The fake news is very unfair.”
While the number of coronavirus cases is skyrocketing nationwide, Trump has remained confident it would eventually disappear.
“I’ve always been a glass-half-full kind of guy,” he said. “I’ve been saying remain calm. Don’t panic. It’s all going to work out very well for our country. But since Mike Pence and his team have failed so miserably controlling the coronavirus, I’m going to have to nip this thing in the bud.”
Trump said he called David Copperfield and asked him if he could make coronavirus disappear. “Sure, he said,” Trump relays. “I told Steve Mnuchin to write Copperfield a check for whatever he wants. We’ve got to get our economy going again.”
Trump leans forward. “You know, I built the strongest economy the world has ever seen,” Trump bragged. “Everyone says so. People at Mar-a-Lago tell me they’ve never been richer. I’ve done an incredible job. Incredible wealth. They all love me. Everyone loves me.”
Mnuchin would not disclose how much taxpayer money will be spent on David Copperfield’s services, but he said it will be a tremendous deal.
“The president is an incredible negotiator,” the Secretary of The Treasury said. “Just ask Kim Jong-un or Vladimir Putin. Our president plays those guys like a fiddle.”
Trump has given Copperfield “total authority to do whatever it takes to make coronavirus disappear.”
The country’s CEO props his feet on the desk in the Oval Office.
“I want to keep Americans safe, especially Fox News viewers, white supremacists, and the QAnon crowd,” the leader of the free world said. “These are my people. They’re smart enough to know any story that is not about my greatness is a hoax.”
Trump leans forward. “We have an election this November, and I want to make sure the Democrats don’t try to cheat and rig it. I’m going to win in a landslide. Suck it, Sleepy Joe, Nancy, and Chuck–– Trump will make America great again. Everyone is excited about me having four more years.”
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21 responses to “Trump Hires David Copperfield “To Make Coronavirus Disappear””
[…] “President Trump has done an amazing job protecting America,” he claimed. “He immediately had Ivanka go to her laboratory and invent hydroxychloroquine, a drug that is proven incredibly effective in treating COVID-19. Everyone should be taking it, like a daily vitamin. And even if you do get the virus, it’s no big deal. Like the president says, 99% of the time, it’s completely harmless. Toughen up America!” […]
[…] “But frankly, I don’t think we need to worry about that,” Mike says. “Mother and I have been praying, and we think we’re going to get that miracle the president talked about–– this whole coronavirus thing will disappear.“ […]
[…] Donald J. Trump is a true trailblazer. He has done things no other president could ever dream of, and now that includes being a product […]
[…] exchange our freedom for the sake of science? Why? Hasn’t President Trump already assured us it will magically disappear like a […]
[…] says Lucille Perrins, of the Lea & Perrins Worcestershire fortune. “Why, if he says the coronavirus will disappear, then by gumbo, that it shall. The president has never lied to the American people. And all the lazy […]
[…] your country of COVID-19,” said Mr. My Pillow. “Although I agree with the president, it will someday magically disappear, just in case COVID-19 isn’t a hoax, I have invested money in a wonder drug called Oleandrin. […]
[…] in Trump’s America, there is no pandemic. Unemployment is zero. The economy is the best in history. And everyone is happy and sleeps soundly […]
[…] was a public health crisis. Big deal. It’s a hoax. And if it is real, we all know the pandemic is going to disappear magically.” Conway made jazz hands and mouthed, […]
[…] he did with President Trump back in February. On the tape, one hears the president confessing he knew COVID-19 was deadly, “more deadly than even your strenuous […]
[…] Americans,” Putin says as a white cat jumps on his lap and he pets it. “Pandemic hoax. Will disappear. Trump fights evil science. Masks bad. Distance to others bad. Fast vaccine good. No need for […]
[…] Millions of Americans sent their thoughts and prayers for President Trump when he tweeted last week that he and his va va va voom First Lady had come down with COVID-19. […]
[…] “People are tired of COVID,” the prez sez to his adoring masses crammed against one another. “I got COVID. I’ve never felt better. I think the virus is great. It makes you stronger. Everyone needs to get COVID. And they will, thanks to me. Sure, old, weak people will die, but who needs them anyway? They’re on their way to dirt naps anyway. Good riddance.” […]
[…] and gave it to China to make Trump look bad. But Trump cares about people, and tonight he said we’re turning the corner. So I guess he had the last […]
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[…] “And that’s not all,” Rudy said, with eyes bugging. “There is no pandemic! It’s a big hoax. And even if there actually is one, it’s going to disappear soon.” […]
[…] mane. “It’s an amazing track record. He built the world’s greatest economy, ended the COVID-19 pandemic saving millions of lives, did more for the blacks than Abraham Lincoln, and kept many Hispanics out […]
[…] his second term. He won fair and square, but you won’t admit it. You guys can’t admit Dad made the pandemic disappear and saved millions of Americans. You can’t stand how great a leader Dad […]
[…] Giuliani is down with the hoax flu,” Cruz said with tear-filled eyes. “There is no COVID-19, the lamestream fake news people made it up. Whatever’s wrong with Rudy, he’s under the […]
[…] sheep. And even if there was a pandemic, the president’s decisive leadership saved tens of millions of lives. Of course, the liberal press won’t report those alternative […]
[…] real tragedy is when Trump couldn’t lie his way out of a raging pandemic, tens of millions of Americans needlessly lost their lives. What a doggone shame that was. If only […]
[…] have the right not to get them poked with a bunch of needles. And I’m not just talking about this new fantasy vaccination, because I agree with President Trump that COVID is just a hoax. But I also don’t like vaccines for a bunch of other phony diseases like polio, Hepatitis B, […]