When Mark Meadows shared over 9,000 pages of documents to the House select committee probing the Capitol assault, he had no idea what a treasure trove of trouble he’d unleashed.
Many of the texts have already been grist for the media mill, but The Lint Screen dug deeper. Our investigative team slipped a $10 bill to a Congressional aide and received these texts sent to Mark Meadows on January 6. Meadows was with disgraced twice-impeached ex-President Donald J. Trump as his rabid mob attempted a coup to overturn a free and fair election.
Here are the exclusive texts from The Lint Screen.
ERIC T: Hey, Mark, there’s a bunch of people at the Capitol, and it looks like they support pop! Turn on the TV!!!
JOSH H: Did he like my fist in the air thing? Did he see it? Mark, please let him know I will do whatever it takes to serve him. Does the Bossman like ribs? I can send some great KC ribs, he’ll love them! Let me know.
SEAN H: Tell the BIG GUY to give me a call. I need to know what my angle is on this.
LINDSAY G: Mark, once we overthrow democracy, do you think the boss could give me a little one-on-one time? I want to get to know him better as a man! I’ve got a thing for strong, powerful men, and I honestly think we’d make a helluva couple.
JIM J: Mark, some guy just took a dump on the floor outside my office and smeared it on the wall. WTF! I thought these bastards were on OUR TEAM?
MELANIA: Mark, please give him the glass of Diet Coke I prepared. The one with arsenic. If you do this for me, I will be yours forever.
TUCKER C: Has the Prez mentioned my name? Does he still like me? Ask him if he thinks I should go back to the bow tie. Whatever he wants, I’m on board!
ROGER S: Let him know I’ve got a posse of Proud Boys. Tell me who needs some roughin’ up and ass kickin’? Let me know, I’m here for him and can’t wait to destroy democracy. Whatever it takes, I’m you’re man!
KEVIN M: Mark, please ask him if I’m putting too much pressure with my lips on his ass. I don’t want to bruise him. I only want to please.
DON JR: Mark–– would you ask Dad if I can get his endorsement for a run in 2024? I mean, if he’s still going to allow elections.
RUSH L: I’m watching the coup here in hell, and absolutely LOVING IT. Great work, Mark. Let Donald know I’m proud of him! Uh-oh, here come Satan again with that goddamn hot poker.
MIKE L: Ask His Highness if I can cover over for a pillow fight––I’ll let him win. HA HA HA! Just kidding. Seriously, Mark, does he even like me??? I love that big lug!
LAURA I: Tell him to stop this, Mark… or at least get some heavy reinforcements. We can’t lose this battle. It’s time to shit or get off the pot! (Don’t tell him I said that).
DEVIN N: Please tell Glorious Master I would love to head up his new media company. To get the job, I’ll give him what little is left of my soul.
IVANKA: Mark, tell Dad watching this insurrection is really turning me on. He’s so powerful–– what a stud! If he asks, let him know I can ditch Jared. Text me.
PAUL G: Hey, do you me want to rat out where Nancy and AOC are? Lemme know, Mark. Happy to help. Anything for The Chosen One!!!
RON J: This is fantastic! Tell the big guy I will do whatever it takes to prove my loyalty. BTW, does he know who I am?
RUDY G: Mark, ask him if I can come over and crash. This is better than the Super Bowl. I’ll bring some chips and dip.
MARJORIE TG: This thing is going like clockwork, but these cops are fighting us. Would you ask him to fire them IMMEDIATELY?
TED C: Tell El Jefe I said I always thought democracy was very overrated. I’m getting hard watching this on TV.
ERIC T: Hey, Mark–– would you do me a solid? PLEASE?!!! Ask Pops if he could bump my allowance $20 a week. I want to start saving for a new Schwinn.
BRIAN K: ASK PAPA BEAR IF HE’LL BE OUR SPECIAL EXCLUSIVE GUEST TOMORROW ON FOX AND FRIENDS. HE CAN ISSUE DICTATES, READ HIS ENEMIES LIST, HOLD EXECUTIONS––WHATEVER! WE’D LOVE TO HAVE HIM!!! HE’S ALWAYS RATINGS GOLD.
BILL B: Hey, Mark, tell him I’d like my old job back once he’s the ruler. He can trust me this time! I’m serious!!!
VLAD P: Comrade Meadows, tell him I said, “Excellent job. I am most proud.”
SEAN H: Hey, Mark–– what about using an Antifa angle? They’re behind this. Oh, and Black Lives Matter too!!! And the liberals!!! I’ll start working on it.
MELANIA: Is he still living? If so, why? Don’t you love me, Mark?
STEVE S: MARK—SEND IN THE NATIONAL GUARD, WE’VE GOT TO STOP THESE DAMN CAPITOL COPS. THEY’RE RUINING EVERYTHING!!!
MIKE P: Hey, Mark, buddy––do you think he’s still mad at me? Tell him I’m sorry and will make it up to him.
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