V.P. Mike Pence is a happy man.
“I think the president and I have cleared our small flare up,” the milquetoast man told The Lint Screen. “That kerfuffle last Wednesday at the Capitol was simply a little misunderstanding between me and the boss. The president’s angry mob of patriots was instructed to hunt me down and hang me like a dog if I allowed Joe Biden to become president. Well, I guess I got that message too late. Oops! I told the president I was sorry for my tiny boner.”
Pence becomes shocked. “Oh, my, please don’t print that last line.”
Trump’s army of lunatics invaded the Capitol building as it was in the process of declaring Joe Biden the next president of the United States. Pence’s role was supervising the Senate as it officially declared Biden the winner of the Electoral College: 306 votes to Trump’s 232 votes.
“The ingenuity of the president’s crowd was remarkable,” Pence said, shaking his head in admiration. “They had constructed gallows with a noose for my neck–– can you imagine the dexterity required to fashion a noose knot?! It is amazing how the good Lord blesses some individuals with such incredible rope skills. When I tie up Mother, my knots are never as secure as she’d like them to be. She spanks me.” Pence smiled. “I deserve it.”
When the Capitol invasion happened, Pence was taken away by security forces and secluded in a safe space.
“I guess my secret service detail thought I might be in danger,” Pence said. “But I think they may have overreacted. The president assured me there were a lot of good people in the Capitol, his loyal supporters, and they would not have allowed a hair on my head to be damaged. Which is good because I use a can of Aqua Net every morning.”
Pence said he and President Trump have cleared the air of any ill will.
“Our nation is blessed to have Donald Trump,” Pence said. “He only wants what’s best for America, and he told me not enacting the 25th Amendment will help preserve the country so we can get to the bottom of exactly how Joe Biden stole this election. We really must stop the steal.”
Pence bows his head and says a silent prayer.
“I am so thankful the president spared my life,” he said. “I’d hate to have died like a dog on the gallows.”
The vice president smiled. “President Trump is a good man,” Pence declared. “He is a very forgiving and compassionate man and I’m honored to serve by his side.”
Pence leaned in and whispered, “Please tell the president what I said. Please!”
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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.
17 responses to “Pence Asks Trump Not To Be “Hanged Like A Dog””
[…] and take craps, urinate, steal, deface the people’s house, attack police, kill, find that traitor Mike Pence and hang him, and work to destroy our democratic republic. Where’s the crime in […]
[…] our country back together again under the excellent leadership of Trump. The only way to do that was hanging Mike Pence, traitor RINOs, and every Democrat in the […]
[…] that gave me? I watched it on TV cheering. They would have killed politicians like Pelosi, Schumer, that coward Mike Pence who betrayed me. But they all hid like frightened little […]
[…] Anchorman Lou Dobbs would take a bullet for disgraced former President Donald J. Trump, but that obedient loyalty couldn’t save him from being fired by Fox Business Channel. […]
[…] worst thing is all the Antifa people dressed like MAGA folks attacking the brave cops and chanting they wanted to kill Mike Pence and Nancy Pelosi.” Johnson took a deep breath. “I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if […]
[…] make a lick of sense. Those patriots were trying to save America from stolen elections. They even brought a rope to get some frontier justice. And now we got the deep state pursuing these good folks and putting ’em in the crossbar […]
[…] was ridiculous. Biden stole the election. Then, when patriots went to the Capitol on January 6 to calmly talk about election irregularities, the fake news media paints them like they’re the bad guys. […]
[…] very peaceful on January sixth. The Trump people wanted to discuss the matter intelligently with their elected politicians, but the Capitol police escalated the whole situation, and the liberal media blew it out of […]
[…] She’s a member of Antifa and Black Lives Matter. Everyone says so. Do they still have that noose they made for Mike Pence? I’ll bet it would look great on […]
[…] was bad. It was just some patriotic Americans exercising their rights to defecate in the Capitol, hang the Vice President, stop a free and fair election, destroy property, and trespass into politician’s offices, […]
[…] we witnessed as angry mobs stormed our government in hopes of overturning a free and fair election. They wanted to kill the vice president and all who stood in the way of Trump remaining in office. Now, these so-called Republicans wish to […]
[…] “I’ve heard the Democrats are trying to make a little skirmish seem like the end of democracy,” the tall Californian says. “Of course, liberals hate everything President Trump did to make America great again, so I guess it’s natural they want to paint him as the bad guy. I’m sure the Capitol thing was nothing.” […]
[…] We Republicans believe this is still America and white people have a right to beat police officers, threaten to hang the Vice President, invade private offices, poop on the floor of government buildings, and damage federal property. […]
[…] some visitors, they wanted to discover how Biden rigged our election, they did some investigating, looked for the traitor Mike Pence, then went home. Enough of this looking in the past! Let’s prosecute the Capitol police […]
[…] to the world. Trump supporters had to beat cops, destroy property, smear crap on walls, and try to hang Mike Pence and kill politicians. What else could they […]
[…] Pence is thankful the coup mob didn’t hang him on insurrection day. […]
[…] president in history, but Mike was weak and put a dagger in my heart. MAGA world hates him and wants to hang him. He’s dead politically and knows better than to toss his hat in the […]