Tucker Carlson of Fox News is one of America and Russia’s most popular broadcasters, and Russian President Vladimir Putin wants to harness his star power on his behalf.

Andrei Nikinovich, Kremlin spokesperson, tells The Lint Screen that the decision was easy.

“President Putin has always been a fan of Tucker Carlson,” Nikinovich says. “Tucker is one of the strongest cheerleaders for the Russian cause. That’s why so many Russians love him. Carlson is an enemy of liberal democracies, NATO, and a booster of strongmen regimes like we have in our motherland. We regret Mr. Carlson was not successful in getting President Trump reelected. He would have made a fine autocrat. But, maybe Tucker will succeed yet and get Trump back in the White House.”

Putin has been mightily impressed by Carlson’s support of his Ukraine invasion.

“The President has demanded we broadcast Tucker Carlson’s Fox commentaries to the Russian people,” Nikinovich declares. “He always gets great ratings. Russians love him. Naturally, it made perfect sense to get him on our payroll. We can get him cheap since rubles are worthless. We know Tucker will continue his enthusiastic support of the Russian cause for unification. To show his support, President Putin has sent Tucker red pom-poms. He wants Mr. Carlson to be his head cheerleader. And he knows Tucker will be excellent at that job.”

Nikinovich thinks Tucker Carlson can boost Putin’s image and support for his war.

“He is the man for the job,” the Russian says. “We’re so happy to have Tucker on the team.”

“Whatever the big guy needs,” Carlson says, “I will deliver for Vlad. I’m his #1 boy, and I couldn’t be happier to carry his water and kiss his lily-white ass.”

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