Just when you thought the criminality of the Trump presidency couldn’t get worse, it does.
Noelle Dunphy, a New York-based public relations professional who worked for Rudy Giuliani in 2019 and 2020 when he was Trump’s attorney, alleges the former NYC mayor was selling presidential pardons for $2 million.
“So what?” Giuliani tells The Lint Screen. “It wasn’t like I was the only one benefiting from this arrangement. I was a good earner, and as the bagman, I would kick up a cool million to President Trump. He’s got to wet his beak, you know. That’s a big payday for just signing your name. A million bucks for your autograph? I’ll take that deal all day long.”
Giuliani sees no harm in selling presidential pardons.
“You’ve played Monopoly, right?” he asks this reporter. “Well, this was like ‘the get out of jail free’ card used in the game. Are you telling me there’s something against the law in using an idea from one of the most popular board games ever? Come on, let’s get real here. I was selling three pardons for $5 million. Offering quantity discounts is smart business.”
The conspiracy huckster grifter smiles. “This woman, Noelle what’s-her-name, is obviously a total whack job who thinks she knows the law. How could selling presidential pardons be illegal when they are issued by President Trump himself? He’s running the whole damn country––if he doesn’t know the law of the land, who the hell does?”
Trump is the disgraced twice-impeached ex-president, convicted sexual abuser, and woman defamer, under criminal indictment in New York City over a hush-money lawsuit and with ongoing criminal investigations in at least three other cases, but his trusted consigliere never wavers.
Rudy shakes his head in disbelief.
“This story is just another Trump witch hunt,” Giuliani says. “Say––you, uh, wanna buy some black market nukes?” the slimebucket whispers.
Read PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a traveling circus in the early 1980s. Also available in audiobook. Click here for a fun ride. Buckle up and go.