Disgraced twice-impeached, convicted rapist, four times indicted ex-President and would-be coup leader Donald J. Trump has been found liable for fraud by a New York judge who said he overstated his wealth by as much as $2.2 billion in one year. His business, like his university and charity fund, are proven frauds.

“This guy doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” Trump tells The Lint Screen as we try to ignore the pompous ass. “He calls me a fraud––well, I call him a fraud. He obviously never watched TV.”

Trump says avid TV watchers know he is “the most honest, straight shooter there is” and that she should always be trusted completely.

“Anyone who watched my hit TV series The Apprentice, which was viewed by over 10 billion people weekly, knows that I am the most brilliant businessman ever,” Trump boasts. “If everyone knows I’m a genius, why would I need to lie? I’m the richest man in the world. Case closed. Trump is innocent! Another witch hunt exposed and killed.”

The lumbering oaf is just getting started.

“All the historians have been saying for years I was the greatest American President in history,” he smiles. “That’s a fact. Look it up. Everyone says so. I presidented better than anyone has ever seen before. People never saw that kind of tremendous presidenting. Then doddering Joe Biden stole the election from me because he was jealous, which is a damn shame because he is ruining our country.”

Trump’s orange face gets beet red.

“I beat Biden by over six trillion votes, fair and square. And true American patriots got so angry they revolted and stormed the Capitol. I love those people. My people. When I get back in the Oval Office, I’ll give them all Medals of Freedom and then get my revenge on those crooks who cheated me.”

Trump has already said when elected, he will ignore The Constitution, limit free speech if it does not support him completely, and get retribution from his enemies. He may even execute Gen. Mark Milley.

“We can’t allow a silly thing like democracy to ruin Trump’s second term,” the orange menace bellows. “Anyone who disobeys me will be executed. It’s the only fair thing to do. I am not a fraud. I am the real deal. Remember that, Judge!”

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Read PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a twisted, fun ride across America with a traveling circus in the early 1980s. Also available in audiobook. Buckle up and go.