Felonious Trump is at it again.

The man behind countless scams and grifts promises that if elected, he will be the country’s “FIRST ALL CAPS PRESIDENT.”

What does that mean? The Lint Screen recently exchanged messages with the criminal on his social media scam, ironically called Truth Social. A transcript follows.

TLS: Tell America why you should be president again.

DJT: BECAUSE I WAS THE GREATEST PRESIDENT OF ALL TIME. EVERYONE SAID THAT.

TLS: Who?

DJT: EVERYONE KNOWS TRUMP WAS THE BEST. I HAD THE GREATEST ECONOMY, I BUILT THE WALL AND KEPT ILLEGAL CRIMINALS AND MANIACS OUT, AND THE PETS WERE SAFE. I KEPT SPRINGFIELD SAFE. THERE WAS NO CRIME AND EVERYONE WAS RICH. VERY, VERY RICH. GAS WAS ONLY A QUARTER A GALLON, GROCERIES COSTS NOTHING. THEY WERE FREE THANKS TO TRUMP. THERE WERE NO WARS BECAUSE I DID MY TEXT MESSAGES IN ALL CAPS AND EVERYONE WAS AFRAID TO GET ME ANGRY SO THEY DIDN’T TRY ANYTHING. THEY KNEW TRUMP MEANT BUSINESS. I GOT PEACE IN THE MIDDLE EAST. THEY SAID THAT COULDN’T BE DONE BUT I DID IT.

TLS: You do know that’s all false, don’t you?

DJT: I MADE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN. NO ONE’S EVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT. THERE WERE NO TAXES. EVERYONE HAD NEW HOUSES AND CARS, THE STOCK MARKET WAS SKY HIGH, INCREDIBLY HIGH

TLS: Now you’re just getting preposterous.

DJT: I WAS FRIENDS WITH PUTIN, LITTLE ROCKET MAN, THE ARAB GUYS IN ROBES, ORBAN, XI, YOU NAME IT––THEY ALL LOVED ME BECAUSE THEY FEARED ME BECAUSE I MIGHT WRITE AN ALL CAPS MESSAGE AND

TLS: No. I think they thought you were a useful idiot.

DJT: NO ONE CAN IGNORE MY ALL-CAPS TEXTS… IT’S LIKE I’M SHOUTING, AND NO ONE ONE WANTS TO HEAR TRUMP SHOUTING AT THEM

TLS: Right. I’m turning off my iPhone now.

DJT: AND MY APPROVAL RATING WAS 100% AND…

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Read PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is Wilder than a Circus,” a twisted, funny ride across America with a traveling circus in the early 1980s. The book is also available as an audiobook. Buckle up and go.