Even though President Elon Musk hasn’t moved into the Oval Office yet, the world’s richest man is demanding his citizens “get in line or get the hell out of my country.”
Musk and his senior grifting advisor, Donald J. Trump, have decided that each American must purchase a new Tesla before January 31, 2025.
“I have eyes everywhere,” Musk tells The Lint Screen. “If I don’t see a Tesla in every driveway by midnight January 31st, we’ll be apprehending and deporting the offenders. I have Teslas sitting in lots everywhere waiting to be driven away, including my Tesla Cybertrucks designed by a four-year-old with a LEGO set.”
A visibly excited Trump enters the room and attempts jumping for joy. He stumbles and falls.
“Did you tell them about Trump Crypto?” Trump asks Musk, breathlessly.
“Not yet,” he says. “You tell them, D.T.”
“We’re demanding Americans liquidate all their assets,” Trump says. “And the helpful government will convert your money into Trump Crypto Currency.”
“I will not accept Trump Crypto for my Teslas,” Musk interrupts. “I only accept U.S. legal tender.”
“You do you, Elon,” Trump says, smiling, as three strong associates hoist him to his feet. “But if people don’t convert all their savings, investments, and possesions to Trump Crypto, they’ll be rounded up and deported like dogs.” Trump clicks his fingers. “Like that.”
“We’re making America great again,” Elon says. “And the best way to do that is by making the rich even richer.”
“That’s right, Leon,” Trump shouts. “We’re making America super-great! And us super rich!!!” He begins doing his Village People dance, loses his balance, and topples to the floor.
———————————————————————————————-
Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.
Do Tesla’s HAVE seat belts? All my friends keep saying “BUCKLE UP, this will be a bumpy ride.” I just read The New Republic interview with Mr. T adviser Corey Lewandowski (12.23.24) explaining why Mr. T (the one with gold shoes, not the one with gold teeth) wants to BUY AND CONTROL Greenland and even the Panama Canal. Lewandowski said the president-elect’s dream of annexing Greenland was all to boost his own ego—and acted like that was a good enough reason. The adviser suggested that Trump’s recent calls to have the U.S. claim the Panama Canal and Greenland were purposefully outrageous declarations, and just part of the tactical brilliance one could expect from his bold America First agenda. ” We all may need HELMETS to go with those SEAT BELTS, maybe HOCKEY GEAR? I’m stocking up on PEPTO BISMOL! lol.