Even though President Elon Musk hasn’t moved into the Oval Office yet, the world’s richest man is demanding his citizens “get in line or get the hell out of my country.”
Musk and his senior grifting advisor, Donald J. Trump, have decided that each American must purchase a new Tesla before January 31, 2025.
“I have eyes everywhere,” Musk tells The Lint Screen. “If I don’t see a Tesla in every driveway by midnight January 31st, we’ll be apprehending and deporting the offenders. I have Teslas sitting in lots everywhere waiting to be driven away, including my Tesla Cybertrucks designed by a four-year-old with a LEGO set.”
A visibly excited Trump enters the room and attempts jumping for joy. He stumbles and falls.
“Did you tell them about Trump Crypto?” Trump asks Musk, breathlessly.
“Not yet,” he says. “You tell them, D.T.”
“We’re demanding Americans liquidate all their assets,” Trump says. “And the helpful government will convert your money into Trump Crypto Currency.”
“I will not accept Trump Crypto for my Teslas,” Musk interrupts. “I only accept U.S. legal tender.”
“You do you, Elon,” Trump says, smiling, as three strong associates hoist him to his feet. “But if people don’t convert all their savings, investments, and possesions to Trump Crypto, they’ll be rounded up and deported like dogs.” Trump clicks his fingers. “Like that.”
“We’re making America great again,” Elon says. “And the best way to do that is by making the rich even richer.”
“That’s right, Leon,” Trump shouts. “We’re making America super-great! And us super rich!!!” He begins doing his Village People dance, loses his balance, and topples to the floor.
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