Author: PD Scullin

A slight majority of Americans have spoken: they want the thrill ride of an unpredictable, unstable, narcissistic leader at the wheel of democracy because he promised a brighter future and a cabinet filled with “the very best people.”

President-Elect Donald J. Trump, a convicted felon, announced that he is selecting gonzo Rep. Matt Gaetz (FL) for his Attorney General.

Gaetz has been under a House Ethics investigation into his alleged sex trafficking of a 17-year-old high school girl. Gaetz’s sleazy buddy got busted for sex trafficking minors and is currently serving 11 years of hard time in a Federal prison.

The Lint Screen went to a Florida high school to learn what teen girls think of Mr. Gaetz.

“The guy’s a total chueg,” says Brittany S. “Gaetz got like zero rizz.”

“He’s always hanging around here,” Tiffany B. reports. “He scores negative auro points. And that hair? Like, really?“

“Beige, basic, cringe” is how Crystal M. describes the Florida man. “Gaetz is sus. No one’s DTF, Grandpa.”

“That plastic man is Delulu,” Amber G. declares. “We all ghosted him.”

Rhonda D. had the last word. “Gaetz’s ick factor is off the charts. KYS.”

Despite what the girls think, Gatez has appreciated talents with his two lips placed on Trump’s ample behind. Perhaps the Florida nutcase will find more fans in The Capitol Building.

Brace yourself, America; you’re in for a wild ride. And remember, you asked for this.

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is Wilder than a Circus,” a twisted, funny ride across America with a traveling circus in the early 1980s. The book is also available as an audiobook. Buckle up and go.

Donald J. Trump loves women.

“Oh, how I love them, ladies,” the GOP presidential candidate tells The Lint Screen. “I love them so much I want to protect them all the time. I give them so much protection. The best protection. And if they resist, I’ll threaten to shoot them in a firing squad. That’s how serious I am about protecting America’s women.”

The senile old man likes to cosplay, and his new character is pretending to be a tough guy protector.

“Women love me,” he says. “They let me do whatever I want. That’s why I’m the father of IVF. Or is it UHF? VHF? Something with an ‘F.’ I’m going to protect women whether they want me to or not, and I’ll be making all their health decisions so they don’t have to worry their pretty little heads about it.”

Melania Trump was asked about her husband’s ability to protect women.

“Who?” she responded. “Oh, yeah. Him. Donald. My ‘husband.’” She pauses as an aide rushes in and whispers in her ear. “Sure. Why not? I guess so.” The aide whispers again. “Donald is a very good protector of women.”

Will women buy Trump protection service at the ballot box? Stay tuned.

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is Wilder than a Circus,” a twisted, funny ride across America with a traveling circus in the early 1980s. The book is also available as an audiobook. Buckle up and go.

Donald J. Trump is dead serious about solving America’s immigration crisis.

The brilliant political mastermind held a sheetless KKK rally yesterday in Madison Square Garden to show support for his 2024 presidential run, but it was a sly ruse. The event was a cleverly disguised sting operation designed to capture dangerous immigrants.

“This was a major production,” spokesman/goon squad leader Stephen Miller told The Lint Screen. “We packed MSG with 19,500 MAGA people. To the untrained eye, it appeared to be a political rally, but it was a honey trap operation to flush out foreigners.”

Donald Trump was thrilled after the show.

“We caught a woman named Melania born in Slovenia,” he said. “She is not so nice. She wrote a book that my readers said did not praise me enough. So I am having Stephen deport her.”

Miller gets excited. “Tell them about the big fish we caught!”

Trump glares at the creepy dweeb. “Shut up. We also caught a rich guy named Elon or Leon Musk from Africa. And he’s really rich, so I am freezing his assets, seizing his patents, and folding his businesses into The Trump Organization. We’re deporting him back to his homeland. America can’t be the world’s garbage can for these trashy immigrants ruining our country.”

A Trump advisor approaches his boss and gives him bad news.

“There are some ethnic groups we failed to insult tonight,” he said.

Trump becomes livid. “Then organize another rally, goddamit,” he shouts. “I’m dealing with idiots!” He grabs Miller by the collar. “And write me some more hate speech––the election’s only a week away!”

Miller scrambles away like a frightened spider.

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is Wilder than a Circus,” a twisted, funny ride across America with a traveling circus in the early 1980s. The book is also available as an audiobook. Buckle up and go.

Twice-impeached disgraced felon Ex-President Donald J. Trump turned a staged photo op into a bitch session.

“It was awful what they did to me at McDonald’s,” the fat baby tells The Lint Screen. “They made me stand at a hot oil machine to look like I was making french fries. It was very hot. No one’s ever had to withstand such heat. Not even Satan.”

Trump is visibly upset as he recalls his grueling 10-minute “work shift.”

“They encouraged me to keep working,” he says. “They said I was almost done. I said, can’t you just throw some ice into this hot grease to cool it down? And they said, ‘Sir, that’s a brilliant idea.’ They had tears in their eyes. ‘But it might be dangerous, sir.’ I fired the sass-back talkers.

His personal fluffer, Stephen Miller, came with a bucket of ice and asked Trump to stand far away. Miller suffered first-degree burns and was rushed to a hospital.

“I got bored,” Trump says. “After three minutes of looking like I was working, I demanded a break,” he explains. “But they said they were almost done taking pictures and encouraged me to look like I was working a little longer. I had already put in a full day. It was cruel how hard they worked me.”

The senile old man had one more fake photo op: he was supposed to appear to work the drive-thru window. That didn’t go well.

“They made me stand at a small glass thing,” Trump whines. “And I had to hand food in bags to people. I said, ‘Here’s your goddamn food; now get the hell out of here before I have you shot.”

The director said he could “fix it in the edit.” Trump was praised for his excellent work as his army of sycophants and hangers-on mobbed him.

The entitled brat, who was born on third base but claimed he hit a home run and was cheated, is bitter about his “grueling” McDonald’s experience.

“I worked my ass off,” the would-be dictator says. “No one’s ever worked so hard or been treated worse. Not Kamel-la-palooza, not anyone. If everyone in America worked as hard as me, we wouldn’t be the shithole country we are.”

This is a peek into our glorious future under this great leader.

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is Wilder than a Circus,” a twisted, funny ride across America with a traveling circus in the early 1980s. The book is also available as an audiobook. Buckle up and go.

Convicted sex offender and G.O.P. presidential candidate Donald J. Trump got his “groove on” last night at a Town Hall in Pennsylvania, and it was so exciting that people fainted.

“I’m like The Beatles,” Trump tells The Lint Screen. “But I’m much more popular than they were. Sorry, John, Paul, George, and Bingo, Trump’s got you beat! I’m number one, with a bullet!!!”

The event was supposed to be for citizens to ask questions to the twice-impeached disgraced ex-president, but it wasn’t long before DJ Donnie took command, and a dance party broke out.

“I have excellent taste in music,” Trump bragged. “Incredible taste. I especially like gay anthems like Y.M.C.A. It reminds me of very good times at Club 54.”

“You have the very best musical taste, sir,” South Dakota Gov. and dog killer Kristi Noem said. “And your dance moves are like Michael Jackson, sir.”

“I’m much better than he was. Michael was not so much on the dancefloor. He was a one-trick pony, the moon dance. But I had many, many more moves. Michael was no Trump.”

For the next 39 minutes, Trump got “jiggy with it” as his curated playlist played, and his audience yawned and slowly snuck out to saner space.

“This is much better than hearing your stupid questions,” he shouted between songs. “Vote Trump! I’ll be a dictator on day one and your D.J. every day after!” Trump did his famous double-fisted pumps. “Hey, Justin, play me some Leo Sayer or Nickelback. I’m ready to get down and boogie!“

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is Wilder than a Circus,” a twisted, funny ride across America with a traveling circus in the early 1980s. The book is also available as an audiobook. Buckle up and go.

With the election less than a month away, disgraced ex-President Donald Trump is hot on the campaign trail. Although he’s already been impeached twice, the felon wants to raise his record stats for being a crook and cheat in the Oval Office.

At a recent rally in Pennsylvania, the demented kook was joined on stage by douchebag royale Elon Musk.

“Just look at Leon,” Trump told the crowd. “Leon’s jumping for joy, and who can blame him? I did more for billionaires like him than any president in history. Trump put more money in the billionaires’ pockets. Didn’t I make you a helluva lot richer, Leon?

“Um, it’s Elon,” Musk corrects.

“That’s what I said, Leon, now answer the damn question.”

“Yes, Mr. President. Sorry for my mistake. You made me much richer with your tax breaks.” Musk laughs, rubbing his greedy palms together.

“And I’ll make you even richer next year if I win.”

“Vote Trump/Vance, they’re for the tech bros!”

“That’s right, Leon. I’ll make all the billionaires richer. And make all the millionaires billionaires. But know that I will always be the richest one because I’m always number one. But I’ll tell you, the rich people love me!”

An aide rushes on stage and whispers to Trump off-mic.

“Oh, and I’ll also make you richer,” Trump says with jazz hands. ” I’m going to make everyone richer. Even the peasants like you. So much richer. You’ve never seen so much riches than you will with Trump. Very, very rich.”

He turns to the aide off-stage and gives a thumbs-up gesture. He notices Musk (probably high on some drug) continuing to jump and down.

“Now get the hell off the stage, Leon,” Trump commands. “This is my show.”

“It’s Leon, sir,” the awkward goon whispers.

“Who cares?” Trump continues an incoherent 2:28-minute rant as the crowd slowly thins.

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.