PD Scullin

Today’s ‘Florida man’ news story is a doozy. Florida’s Republican Congressional Representative Matt Gatez told The Lint Screen the insurrection on January 6 at the U.S. Capitol was the direct result of Ted Cruz’s twelve and ten-year-old daughters. “Those girls are born troublemakers,” the righteous politician claims. “They forced poor Senator Cruz to take an … Read more

Wisconsin Republican Sen. Ron Johnson should not be around sharp objects. He could hurt himself. The unhinged looney spun his ridiculous conspiracy theories yesterday at the first public Senate hearing about the Capitol attack on January 6. “I’m sick and tired of people blaming supporters of President Trump,” Johnson told The Lint Screen. “I wanted … Read more

Former Texas Governor Rick Perry says he knows his people “like the back of my hand,” as he points to his open palm. “And Texans are tough, they don’t need no handouts from nobody.” Perry, who ran the Energy Department in the Trump administration (even though he didn’t know what it did), believes too many … Read more

Caroline and Catherine Cruz may be children, but that doesn’t give them a license to force their father into politically sticky situations! Texas Senator Ted Cruz told The Lint Screen his two “awful daughters” are responsible for his ill-timed family vacation in Cancun, Mexico. “I wanted to stay in Houston,” Cruz claims. “I was going … Read more

Ted Cruz is the kind of Texan that would make Sam Houston’s eyes teary. The svelte senator leaped into action when Texas experienced massive power outages statewide this week. “I saw my people suffering,” Cruz told The Lint Screen. “And that sight was too much for this cowboy. So I saddled up my family and … Read more

Two leaders of the Republican Party are outraged at the dangers looming within their own ranks. House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy and South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham are committed to crushing fellow party members who don’t support disgraced former President Donald Trump. The leaders are angry at GOP representatives and senators who voted for the … Read more