Humor

“President Trump eats crap nonstop,” Kennedy said. “His diet is really bad. It’s like death. I think I can get him to eat healthier. Maybe some tofu, organic lettuce, and a side of bear cub.”

A slight majority of Americans have spoken: they want the thrill ride of an unpredictable, unstable, narcissistic leader at the wheel of democracy because he promised a brighter future and a cabinet filled with “the very best people.” President-Elect Donald J. Trump, a convicted felon, announced that he is selecting gonzo Rep. Matt Gaetz (FL) … Read more

Donald J. Trump loves women. “Oh, how I love them, ladies,” the GOP presidential candidate tells The Lint Screen. “I love them so much I want to protect them all the time. I give them so much protection. The best protection. And if they resist, I’ll threaten to shoot them in a firing squad. That’s … Read more

Donald J. Trump is dead serious about solving America’s immigration crisis. The brilliant political mastermind held a sheetless KKK rally yesterday in Madison Square Garden to show support for his 2024 presidential run, but it was a sly ruse. The event was a cleverly disguised sting operation designed to capture dangerous immigrants. “This was a … Read more

Twice-impeached disgraced felon Ex-President Donald J. Trump turned a staged photo op into a bitch session. “It was awful what they did to me at McDonald’s,” the fat baby tells The Lint Screen. “They made me stand at a hot oil machine to look like I was making french fries. It was very hot. No … Read more

Convicted sex offender and G.O.P. presidential candidate Donald J. Trump got his “groove on” last night at a Town Hall in Pennsylvania, and it was so exciting that people fainted. “I’m like The Beatles,” Trump tells The Lint Screen. “But I’m much more popular than they were. Sorry, John, Paul, George, and Bingo, Trump’s got … Read more