The Lint Screen

Tag: hospital

  • Gut Shots (Pt. 8)

    I've got to give myself shots to the belly.
    I’ve got to give myself shots to the belly.
    The road to recovery is littered with many things, spent hypodermics for example.

    To combat the danger of blot clots, I have to give myself a small shot of blood thinner in my belly fat (good thing I’ve been stockpiling the stuff). The magic elixir enters the blood stream and orders all blood cells to “Keep it movin’, folks, nothing to see here. Get on back to work! Don’t be clustering all together. Break it up, break it up!”

    In the hospital, the shots are administered every 12 hours. Once sprung from here, I will have daily shots. It will go on like this for 28 days following surgery.

    They tell me I’m getting better. My hemoglobin count is up, the doctor says I may get out on Friday. My surgery was Monday, my freedom may be Friday.

    I’m ready. I’ve heard there is air out there. Free air, and free air is the best air to breathe.

  • The Bollinger Effect (Pt. 7)

    Proof that perhaps I should have been in the psych ward...
    Proof that perhaps I should have been in the psych ward…
    For many years, I have played a silly little joke for no good reason other than the amusement that I only receive in my imagination.

    It goes like this: if I am in a room with a dry erase board, I like to write AVOID THE BOLLINGER EFFECT on the board before leaving. My unrequited amusement is imagining the people coming into the room later, reading the “Bollinger Effect” caution on the board and wondering what it means.
    “‘Avoid the Bollinger effect’– what’s that?”
    “I dunno. Probably some new corporate initiative.”
    “Yeah, sounds about right.”
    “Who’s Bollinger?”
    “Got me. Any idea what the ‘effect’ is?”
    “How am I supposed to know? I get like 140 e-mails a day– I’m not about to read all of them word-for-word…”
    “O.K., I get it, you’re busy. I’m busy, too. But if we see the effect, we’d better avoid it.”
    “Don’t worry about me. I’m all about avoiding the Bollinger Effect.”
    And so on.

    Well, mid-way through my hospital stay I decided to write AVOID BOLLINGER EFFECT on the dry erase board in my room. Why?

    Boredom? Silliness? A bad case of the smart ass?

    Your diagnosis, doctor. Writing it did make me feel better, though.