The Lint Screen

Tag: “The Simpsons”

  • ‘Super’ Spots (1st Half)

    The ante started at $2.4 million and went up to a cool $3 million to air a spot in this year’s “big game”, which is code for Super Bowl, a trademarked name. I can use the term since I’m paying $126,500 in licensing fees and have a team of Lint lawyers at the ready.

    Giving Super Bowl spots a look-see with virgin eyes. Yipes!
    I’ve shielded myself from the annual hype about Super Bowl commercials to keep virgin eyes and a clean slate for my opinions. The criteria of my grading is this: is the spot entertaining, relevant to the product or service, informative, interesting, memorable and the holy grail of all– persuasive? A tall order, I know, but for a $2.4-3 mil investment plus production costs, ad agency fees, etc., it seems like appropriate ground rules.

    Am I being too rough to expect more than just entertainment? No, this is supposed to be marketing, right? If you’d like to re-watch any of the spots, the good people of Ad Age have most of them posted here.

    I apologize in advance for any errors. These are gut reactions after one viewing, so there.

    Hyundai Sonata— Nothing breakthrough here: pretty car shots, The Dude’s voiceover extolling the Sonata’s virtues and car reviews, lots of features, great gas mileage and an attractive price. Simple, well-produced, product-focused and great eye candy. I like, but then again, we’re now a two Hyundai family (attribute it to the smart advertising, a great website, terrific products and rave reviews had something to do with it).

    Bud Light— The first shot from the deep A-B coffers is a blank. Some people enter a house made of Bud Light cans. The people think the cans are empty, but wah wah wahhh— they’re not, they’re full! Now the fun begins. Blah blah. There’s an end gag with a shower curtain being pulled back as a naked woman screams. Huh? It’s going to be a long night…

    Snickers— Young dudes are playing football with Betty White (yes, Betty White). They tell “Mike” he’s playing like “Betty White”… she eats a Snickers, and is suddenly transformed from Betty into a young man. AVO tells us “When you’re hungry, you’re not yourself.” End gag with guy tackling Abe Vigoda (yes, Fish Vigoda). It’s a smart strategy, and breakthrough creative execution. Not in the same league as previous Snickers work, but that was some of the best.

    Focus on The Family— The controversy was bigger than this commercial. Mom Pam Tebow talks about her baby and how she almost lost him. Suddenly, son Tim Tebow tackles her. Yes, the brat tackles his mother. This is the thanks she gets?! Look, religion and politics consume all other aspects of the airwaves, the Super Bowl should offer some relief. Hey, this is about talking babies and cute animals and stuff! Now, can we get on with our lives?

    Hyundai Sonata— Beautiful cinematography of a factory making a Hyundai Sonata. The Dude tells us about famous classical sonatas and compares this to the new Sonata. A long way to go, then we learn the Sonata has a better paint job than a Mercedes. Hmmm. Pretty spot, point made, but it feels cheap.

    BoostMobile— A hateful spot playing off the old Chicago Bears shuffle. Mike Ditka, etc. Why and for what, God only knows. Have no idea what this product does, nor do I care. Let us never speak of this again. Please.

    Doritos— The master wants his dog to speak for Doritos, the dog doesn’t, instead he sneaks behind man and puts collar on him! Oh boy!!! Then, get this, the dog takes the bag of Doritos and shocks the man! Ain’t we got fun? Oh, I feel shame for all ad people.

    Ridley Scott’s Robin Hood (with Russell Crowe). Looks like what you’d expect. Get your tights out of the mothballs. (Insert your mothball-tights joke here.)

    Doritos— A guy goes to his girl’s house. She goes to get ready. Her son is there with a bowl of Doritos. The man reaches for one, takes it and little boy slaps him on face. Tells man to keep his hands off his mom and his Doritos. There you have it. Check, please. This is not a great moment in advertising history.

    Bud Light— Get a load of this: a meteor is coming to destroy Earth so all the scientists and astronomers begin celebrating impending death with Bud Light. The end gag– meteor is just a pebble that bounces off telescope. Cue the trombones, wah wah wahhhhhh wahh! Sigh, where’s the Most Interesting Man in The World when you need him?

    Coca-Cola— The big gun goes celebrity with all of The Simpsons Springfield as C. Montgomery Burns is broke, we see his life being turned to crap. Some decent sight gags but nothing as witty as classic Simpsons. At the end, Burnsie gets a Coke. A lot of celebrity power here, but not nearly as powerful or charming as the parade character balloons spot from a couple years back.

    GoDaddy.com— The ‘GoDaddy girl (Danica Patrick) is getting a massage. Her masseuse recognizes her, wants to be like her and asks if she can be a ‘GoDaddy Girl’… then masseuse rips her shirt off of herself to reveal a T with web address. We’re directed to go check out more. Welcome to soft porn. Heavy sigh.

    Doritos— We’re in a church at a funeral but the guys in the pews are snickering because they’re buddy’s in casket-full of Doritos watching the game. Cut to man in coffin with lots of Doritos and a small TV. Oh, why bother describing what happens after this… it’s a hateful spot. Death and Doritos, we’ve come to this. Sob.

    Bud Light— Dude has party voice and Bud Light. All pals have party voices and Bud Lights. No reason to go into it any further. Another bad Bud Light spot.

    Monster— A beaver plays a fiddle. Yada yada yada. A voiceover says something. Yawn. Was there a woodchuck gag in there? Who cares? Anyone remember when Monster did cool ads? I do. Sad. Maybe they need some fresh talent. Hey, look on Monster!

    The Wolfman— Looks good. Dark, moody, spooky. Deal me in.

    Bridgestone— a killer whale is in a car with some guys. They’re splashing it with water. They take the whale to the sea and it dives in. The driver says, “Now that was a bachelor’s party”… looks like someone in the creative department saw The Hangover last year.

    Sketchers. Boring.

    cars.com— Timothy has an amazing life delivering tiger cubs, saving high school students from a twister, oh, but he doesn’t know doodly-squat about cars. Fortunately there’s cars.com. to make car buying easy. A long way to go but a message is sent. Is there reception? We’ll see.

    Budweiser— Man enters diner and announces the bridge is out. No one cares until he says there’s a Bud delivery truck on the other side. Suddenly, the townsfolk run to help. They form a bridge, truck drives over. Party in diner. End gag, drivers say they need the bridge to get back across. Please, people, if you must drink, don’t form bridges.

    Shutter Island— Scorcese, Leo, insane asylum, mystery. You had me at Scorcese.

    The Late Show With David Letterman— Letterman eats a chip and complains about the boring Super Bowl part. Camera widens out, we see Oprah who tells Dave it’s not that bad. Camera widens out more and we see Leno on the other side of Oprah. If Oprah can bring those two together, let’s get her on a plane to the Middle East. Nice spot.

    CareerBuilder.com— It’s a guy talking about his problem with the office and casual Fridays. We see his coworkers in underwear (they are pudgy, not model types). Where are we going with this? To Punville! The AVO tells us to “expose yourself” to new job opportunities with careerbuilder.com. I feel like I should earn frequent flier miles for following this.

    Dockers— A bunch of men wear no pants and march across a field chanting “We wear no pants…” (Did they know the previous spot had no pants for a gag?) All of this is to get you to go to a website for some free pants. Hmm, FREE– that should sell some pants…

    Hyundai Sonata— This spot makes a point of the product’s long warranty by showing Brett Favre in 2020 getting the MVP award. The Dude’s voiceover says, “We don’t know what the future will be like, but we know the Sonata will still be covered.” Clever, simple, powerful sales point. Put more points on the board for Hyundai.

    Bud Light— Here’s a spoof of the TV show Lost. The surviving passengers are on the beach, a woman approaches and announces she has a way to be rescued off the island, but wait, some guy has found the beverage cart and it’s fully stocked with Bud Light (hmm, maybe they could build a house with all the cans). Party ensues and they use radio to get party music. Umm, that’s some powerful party beer, that Bud Light. The best BL spot of the night, but that’s damning with faint praise. Still, I’ll bet this scores big with the USA Today poll. It’s got the proper balance of pop culture heat.

    Dove for Men— It’s all about some man’s life. We see him born, he ages, he marries, has kids, etc., etc., etc. Then somehow this wraps into him in the shower and copy about new Dove for Men and the clever slogan be comfortable in your own skin. Why? Don’t ask– because Dove says so, that’s why!

    Dodge Charger— We see a series of close-ups of men as they say “I will” and run-off a litany of emasculating things they ‘will do’ for their women. All of this is to set up that because they do all this p-whipped stuff they ‘will drive what they want”– and that’s a Dodge Charger. Vrrroooom! There, there, of course you will, fellas. Just ask your lady for the keys. The car looks much stronger than the beaten-down men.

    teleflora.com— A hot girl is berating a less attractive worker. Hot girl gets a box of flowers. She opens it and a talking flower starts berating her. A guy coworker asks, “Who sends flowers in a box? A guy in prison?” The AVO tells us use teleflora and get flowers in a vase. Stupid. Kindly put this spot in its grave and send it a box of flowers.

    Papa John’s— Look, it was a Papa John’s spot. Do you really have to wonder if it was any good?

    Alice in Wonderland— Disney gets hip, hires Tim Burton who hires Johnny Depp. This movie looks very cool and visually stunning. What would Walt think? I like.

    Dr. Pepper— The rock band KISS pimps Cherry Dr. Pepper. Oh, I can’t even describe it any more. Slap everyone involved with this mess (you might want to wash your hands after you slap the members of KISS, greasepaint stains). By the way, what is with Dr. Pepper? Why can’t they ever do a decent spot?

    TruTV— We’re in Punxsutawney for a groundhog day set up as the mayor pulls a miniature Troy Polamalu out of a hole and announces “Six more weeks of football.” Long way to go for a copy point, but point made, you can catch six more weeks of football. Put points on the board.

    Universal Orlando— Harry Potter world comes to Orlando. Is there ever any reality in Orlando? Oh well, if our kids were still that age, we’d be there.

    FLOTV— We see a guy shopping with his girl as a narrator tells us the man’s girlfriend has removed the boyfriend’s spine and so he can’t see the game. But lookee here now, with new FLOTV he could see it. The device looks like a little iPhone screen. Are all men in commercials whipped? The device does look interesting, I’ll give them that.

    Intel— An engineer talks about new processors being “the greatest thing we’ve ever done” as we see a little robot approach with a tray of food. The little robot is sad as he hears the guy talk about how great this new processor is. I get a Wall-E vibe from the robot. The point is this new chip is hot stuff. Not bad, I guess.

    IT’S HALFTIME– LET’S HOPE PETE TOWNSEND DOESN’T EXPOSE A ROGER DALTRY NIPPLE IN A WARDROBE MISHAP.

  • Homer’s Odessey “D’oh!”

    Our first child, Matt Scullin was born December 10, 1989. A week later, on December 17, the most important show ever on TV was born– The Simpsons.

    Our family (yes, even the babies) has always watched The Simpsons. We’ve had spirited debates on picking a favorite episode (mine is “Boy-Scoutz ‘n the Hood” from season eight in which Bart joins the Junior Campers and hilarity ensues), we quote Simpsons lines chapter and verse (and recite favorites), discuss couch gags, and are torn when asked to pick our favorite characters (don’t ask, it hurts too much ).

    If loving you is wrong, we don't wanna be right...
    If loving you is wrong, we don’t wanna be right…
    While other families were shielding their precious children’s innocent eyes from this irreverent show, we were glued to it. For 20 years, it has been an animated encyclopedia of pop culture. Yes, it’s an educational cartoon, so there all you parents who refused your kiddies the intellectual stimulation of Springfield. Hope you’re happy with your dimwitted goody two-shoes.

    The early episodes, like most sitcoms, were not that funny. The show’s executive producers, James L. Brooks, Matt Groening and Sam Simon were working to establish the characters, both their look and the sound of their voices. But soon the show hit its stride.

    Great writers like John Swartzwelder, (who amazingly has written 60 episodes), George Meyer, Jon Vitti, Conan O’Brien, Dan Garth, Al Jean, Mike Reiss and many more brought The Simpson family and Springfield to life. A population of hilarious characters became the perfect canvas for social commentary, satire, wacky hijinks and laughs galore.

    Has the show jumped the shark? Sure, some seasons more than others. Everything grows stale after 20 years (which is why we gave our 20-year old son Matt to a band of traveling gypsies).

    But still, it’s been a hell of a run for Homer & Co., and our family is eternally thankful and grateful to theirs for two decades of fun.

    Since it’s good for any essay to have a nicely rounded wrap-up, I’ll leave you with this– a letter written by Matt Scullin to Matt Groening, Simpsons creator, a few years back when Matt S. felt the show was seeing a shark in the rear view mirror.

    February 19, 2006

    Mr. Matt Groening
    Executive Producer
    The Simpsons
    FOX Broadcasting Network
    P.O. Box 900
    Beverly Hills, CA 90213

    Dear Matt Groening:

    I am a huge fan of your show, “The Simpsons” and I have seen every episode. I am sixteen years old and I have been on your train ever since the show started. I am one week older than your show, to be exact. I have laughed to the point of no return over the early years and you are truly a god for creating these characters. When I say “characters” I don’t just mean the Simpsons; I am talking about Moe, Krusty, Ned Flanders, Chief Wiggum, Comic Book Guy, and the many other citizens of Springfield.

    Man do I love a lot of your episodes. Seasons four, five, six, and seven are gold. Last Exit To Springfield, Homer The Heretic, Mr. Plow, Rosebud, Deep Space Homer, Homer Loves Flanders, Secrets Of A Successful Marriage, Homer The Great, Homer Badman, And Maggie Makes Three, A Star Is Burns, The Springfield Connection, and 22 Short Films About Springfield are all classic episodes.

    Don’t get me wrong, I love the next five seasons too. But you began to slip along the way of oh, season thirteen or so. I realized that the show would probably never be as good as it was, and I was right. The episodes lost its spark and even lost the laughs. The stories became too much involved with Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie. You buried the secondary characters alive in a cold dusty coffin. They slowly died and went to “forgotten characters heaven.” The stories became uninteresting and filled with too many unfunny 1-liner gags. I put up with these episodes and told my friends how the show was slowly fading into nothingness. I still gave you a chance on January 29, 2006. But this was simply the last straw.

    This episode was terribly awful and my teeth cringed at the episode’s every attempt to make me laugh. I didn’t even come close to laughing once. I was disgusted at the fact that the animation was completely different. Everything looked too well drawn and had too much detail. It lost its once vibrant, warm, fuzzy animation of the earlier years. The episode was filled with a large surplus of unfunny 1-liner gags. The episode was lame, hateful, unfunny, and visually displeasing. While I watched it, I just repeated to myself, “This is not happening.” That episode single handedly crushed my hope for “The Simpsons”.

    I beg of you: Fire all your writers, bring back the “old school” animation, and bring back the secondary characters. If you refuse, simply stop making episodes of the “The Simpsons” because I died a little inside on January 29, 2006.

    Please write back or I will keep mailing you this letter.

    Sincerely,
    Matt Scullin

    P.S. Take notes from “Family Guy”.

    Cc: James L. Brooks, Mike Scully, Al Jean

    In case you were wondering, Matt never heard from Mr. Groening, but the show has gotten better since then. Maybe he listened.

  • Getting Your $10 Worth (Movie Reviews)

     

    What movies are worth your precious Hamiltons?
    What movies are worth your precious Hamiltons?

    Hollywood’s upped the ante to $10 for viewing one of their precious little “movies.” Add $54 for a medium popcorn, medium beverage and a box of Milk Duds (“The Blockbuster Bellybuster Valu Combo”) and we’re talking a pretty pricey couple hours. I’ll scribble a few lines to tell you which movies I believe are worth seeing and which ones aren’t worth your Hamilton.

    “Pineapple Express”– I suppose if one’s really baked this movie lives up to the hype. Then again, smoke enough goof and staring at a brick is pretty funny. I was not terribly amused by this film so I guess I was obviously too sober.

    Oh, it’s got a few laughs and some fun bits, but this is hardly a great comedy or action movie. Clocking in at almost two hours, this film could certainly lose some unsightly celluloid. It gets hyper-violent at the end, but it’s not hyper-amusing as it goes on and on and on some more. Then goes on some more, and a little bit more for good measure.

    The movie’s not awful, it’s just awfully disappointing. I wanted more laughs, more amusement. Apparently the idea and the script were created by Seth Rogen and his writing partner Evan Goldberg when they were 16 or so. It feels like it. Guess I’ m just not on the Seth Rogen bandwagon.

    I have a little system I use to rate just how much I don’t like a movie. If in a week, someone said I could see the same movie for free, would I? No, not this one. Then how much would they have to pay me to see the movie? $5? $10? $15? $20?

    Keep the bidding going on this one. Save your Hammie for something else.

    “The Dark Knight”— Take that ten spot you banked not going to Pineapple Express and treat yourself to this big honking action/adventure extravaganza.

    Yes, Heath Ledger’s as good as you’ve heard (shame he never heard the great reviews but his performance is probably a lock for an Oscar nomination). Yes, Christian Bale can raise some hell against people who aren’t his family members. And yes, Christopher Nolan succeeded in following up the high cinematic bar he set in “Batman Begins”.

    Gotham City looks gorgeously gloomy, ably played by the up and comer city of Chicago with some heavy make-up and dour disposition. The plot is intricate and the supporting cast superb. Aaron Eckhart is suave and de-boner (albeit a bit two-faced), Maggie Gyllenhaal delivers the goods along with Morgan Freeman playing the standard Morgan Freeman character–- the wise one who enlightens the way for heroes while dispensing sage advice. But the movie is owned by Ledger who scowls, grimaces, laughs diabolically behind make-up that wears away throughout the film (the classic symbolism for one losing his mojo). 

    Perhaps the best performance belongs to Ledger’s tongue: darting, licking and smacking about like an animal struggling to be restrained. It’s a tongue performance for the ages.

    Sure the movie could shed some weight at two and a half hours long, and some of the sub plots don’t work completely, and it just seems a waste to have an incredible talent like Gary Oldman play a milquetoast character like Gordon, but “the Dark Knight” is a hell of a ride and a visual spectacle throughout.  Pony up the Hamilton, pay some more if you’re able to see it in IMAX, but by all means see what the buzz is about.

    “Iron Man”–  Another from the comic books, this is one of the best films of the year with great special effects, casting and performances all the way around. The script is tight. The first 20 minutes packs an incredible amount of background into an easily digested and fun to watch appetizer that sets up the hearty banquet ahead. From the opening frame on, the film catapults forward and keeps you interested, engaged and amused.  Sure, the climax is a bit strained, but what do you expect from comic book characters? Robert Downey, Jr. is terrific. Thank goodness he’s clean and sober because his talent would have been tragic to waste. Jeff Bridges, Gwyneth Paltrow, Terrence Howard have Downey covered for a fun show that’s worth seeing at least once, if not twice. Director Jon Favreau kicked out the jams on this one. Strap on a seat and keep your arms inside the car.

    “The Incredible Hulk”– Yet one more movie from the comics (makes me wonder if the Comic Book Store Guy from “The Simpsons” is running the studios these days).

    This movie didn’t get its due. While not in the same league as “Iron Man” or “The Dark Knight”, this film is pretty damn good and worth seeing. Edward Norton does what Edward Norton always does: own every scene he’s in. His Bruce Banner is one conflicted cat, just don’t anger up his blood.

    The problem is giving Norton a lightweight heroine in Liv Tyler. She disappears in the scenes they share.  The rest of the cast is O.K., Tim Roth serves a hefty dose of evil, and the story moves along at a healthy clip with some cool effects. Not a great film, but certainly worth seeing if it comes to a buck-a-rama near you. Definitely rent and watch when it’s out on DVD.

    “Mamma Mia!”–  Yes, I am a heterosexual male and yes, I saw “Mamma Mia!”. In fact, I’ve seen it twice, once on the stage and now on the screen. I really liked the stage production, I really didn’t like the movie version. The reason is simple: the voices didn’t serve the musical. I think they let ABBA down (it’s never ever a good idea to let Abba down, people– ABBA must be served, it is a palindrome for Pete’s sake!).

    Yes, Meryl Streep is a very talented actor, one of our best (can anyone cry better than Meryl cries?), but she is not a top drawer singing talent. Respectable, yes– she can carry a tune in a bucket. But phenomenal? Hardly. Her daughter, played by Amanda Seyfried, fares better in the singing department but she doesn’t bring much charisma or magic to the role. Pity, that.

    As for the three papa bears in this Goldilocks tale, well, here’s where Mamma Mia! goes way off the tracks. Colin Firth, Stellan Skarsgard and Pierce Brosnan are likable enough but ill equipped to sing and dance. In fact, we all feel the shame when Pierce opens his mouth to warble. One wishes Daniel Craig as 007 would enter stage left, throttle him soundly and exit stage right.

    Nope, the sad thing is this movie does a big disservice to the stage production. It forgets that a musical is about the music. Voices first, voices always.

    Save your money for a first rate stage production of “Mamma Mia!”. This movie’s a letdown… and still it’s a blockbuster hit. Guess it shows what I know.

    “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull”– Take the two 800 pound gorillas of Hollywood, Lucas and Spielberg, add a proven bankable star (Harrison Ford) and a rising bankable star (Shia LeBeouf) in a franchise that’s grossed ten bazillion trillion dollars worldwide (Indiana Jones) and what have you got?

    A terrible waste of a lot of talent.

    The script’s goofy, the action ho hum and the adventure M.I.A. One can almost sense Spielberg yawning from behind the camera as he goes through the motions. This fourth installment of Indy should put him to rest, if there’s any justice. It’s already spawned a new expression for the venerable Jump the shark; in this case it’s called Nuke the fridge. 

    Fonzie, thank Indy. You’re off the hook for the near future.

    The set design of the ending scenes are obviously fake and cheesy. It’s hard to believe so many big names collaborated to make such a forgettable turd. Please don’t enable this people with your money– they may just do it again.

    “Get Smart”… and skip “Get Smart”. It’s nothing like the TV show (which had a little something called ‘humor’, or ‘humour’ for British readers). What a waste of Steve Carell, time and money.