Tue 16 Nov 2010
An anonymous source in Obama’s secret inner circle called “The Whispering Shadows of Secrecy And Skullduggery” said the story is absolutely true during a clandestine meeting with this journalist at a popular Washington, D.C. restaurant.
“Obama’s been in Washington a couple years now,” said the source, “and he just can’t crack that darn bipartisan political nut. I mean, the democrats got hammered in the last elections. We need a huge ‘Hail Mary’ play, and the President thinks he’s got one.”
The source quickly darted his eyes around the restaurant nervously, then hurridly applied gum spirits and a fake Van dyke beard to his face. He spoke in angel kiss-soft hushed whisper.
“The President is an astute student of history and he’s been studying common traits of popular presidents of recent times. He believes he’s cracked the code for gaining favor with the American public: brush clearing.”
The antsy man quickly reached into his suit jacket pocket and put on a pair of dark granny sunglasses. He continued his whispering but affected a Romanian accent.
“Look, Ronald Reagan was an actor before he got into politics, right? So he naturally understood the importance of set design, wardrobe, props– the whole enchilada. What’s he do when approval ratings sag? He spends some time on a ranch clearing brush and voila, his popularity skyrockets! Genius, sheer genius!”
The nervous source quickly donned an orange leather fedora hat with a long peacock feather propped out of the brim, darted his eyes about the room and continued in a whisper.“Now fast forward to George W. Bush’s two-term presidency. W. had his ranch near Crawford, Texas. He made 77 trips there over his eight years as president and spent all or part of 490 days there. That’s a lot of brush clearing, but he did it gladly to get out of the Washington bubble. Obama’s finally getting the message: the public likes a president who can clear him some brush!”
The unnamed source quickly dove beneath the table and continued. “Once Obama gets his ranch, raises some brush and then clears same brush, well, look out. He’ll be a lock for a second term.”
With that, the Washington insider began crawling in a serpentine pattern across the restaurant floor toward the door and vanished into the street, sticking this reporter with the check.
Washington insiders definitely know how to play hardball.