Dan Gruthers, the campaign manager for Ms. Pickles spoke to reporters outside his Tempe, Arizona home. “I think that little puppy and kitten-cat are pretty cute, but I worry about having a president with paws who has the power to nuke our planet to smithereens. What if that paw slips? We couldn’t launch a nuclear attack and evildoers would know that so they’d bully us with verbal wedgies and what-have-yous. Are we going to be a nation of wusses? No! What America needs is a creature like a human but without human faults. And Ms. Pickles, why she’s real human-like, what with her two arms, two legs and a face that melts your heart like butter in a microwave. This country needs a feminine touch on the nuclear launch button, and Ms. Pickles is ready to protect, serve and prepare a mushroom cloud omelette of destruction if need be!”
Ms. Pickles then came out and clapped her hands as reporters swooned. Mr. Gruthers tossed Ms. Pickles a grape, which she caught in her mouth. She then did a back flip and moonwalked. The reporters applauded loudly and cheered.
As the presidential race heats up, there was no response from other declared candidates.
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