The Lint Screen, Satire/Humor/Etc.

Mannequin Confessions: Phillipe

Written by

PD Scullin

in

A male mannequin bares all and it's smooth
A male mannequin bares all and it’s smooth

In part four of The Lint Screen’s exclusive mannequin series, we hear from a male model who works at Nordstrom’s and is comfortable in his hard plastic skin. Meet Phillipe, in menswear.

“I am who I am, and who I am is someone who knows who he is.

I’m not like those female mannequins with their hysterics and serial dramas. I don’t let my emotions show. Dig? They call it cool, ladies. C-O-OOL!

How do I stay so chill? What’s to worry about–– I’m handsome, I dress well, my crotch is smooth as a naked baby’s butt.

I’m a catch. The total package, sans a package. And I’m a laff ri-OTT.

I am who I am, and I see a shoplifter in the tie department. Someone call security. Seriously, that dude in the tacky green shirt just stuck a $140 tie into his pocket.”

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Comments

3 responses to “Mannequin Confessions: Phillipe”

  1. Bill Avatar
    Bill

    Hey Lint Screen,

    Maybe your snooty pal Phillipe is the author of his self-defining statement (“I am who I am, and who I am etc….”) but if he’s misquoting or otherwise hijacking material from an old hero of mine he could be in for a mannequin-shattering knuckle sandwich. You might warn Phillipe to watch out for a short guy in a sailor suit with an ultra slim girl on his arm. She goes by the name Olive Oyl.

  2. admin Avatar
    admin

    Thanks for the heads up, Mr. Bill. When we want back to check with Phillipe about the legitimacy and originality of his quote, we found that he was not working. The manager said that a short, muscular guy with spinach breath assaulted him, savagely beating him. Phillipe is in the intensive care unit of the hospital.

    If you have any information that might assist authorities in their investigation of this matter, the management of Nordstrom’s would appreciate it.

    They said they’ll even throw in a pair of argyle socks as a token of their appreciation!

    Thanks for your concern.

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