Last night, at his pep rally in Phoenix, President Trump told supporters, “Don’t believe the fake media. Everything they say is a lie. Everything! I know. It’s all fake, especially The Lint Screen.”
Trump’s complexion changed from orange to red as he continued.
“The Lint Screen has been very unfair to me. Very unfair. Too many people rely on it for their news, well you know what–– they’re dumb. It’s fake. Totally fake news! Believe me!” The crowd erupted in cheers.
“I know some people still think The Lint Screen has quality journalism. That it’s unbiased. Well, they’re wrong! Dead wrong. It’s junk. Trash. If it was printed on paper instead of being online, you wouldn’t even wrap your garbage with it! It’s bad–– very, very bad! Horrible.”
The audience cheered and began a wave as beach balls with swastikas were hit into the air and passed throughout the crowd.
“And that is why The Lint Screen is failing. Failing miserably. Completely tanking. The Lint Screen? Give me a break–– I call it The Loser Screen!”
The crowd stood, applauded wildly and gave high fives as Trump moonwalked across the stage and attempted a split. Secret service agents quickly picked him up and brought him back to the microphone where he continued his pep talk for the next six hours.
I heard Geoge Soros was footing the bill for the Lint Screen. I think I saw it on the only real news network, the one that rymes with pox.
Mr. Lud––
Yes, Mr. Soros does fund certain aspects of The Lint Screen. He picks up our bar tabs ($3,908,765 to date in 2017). However, Soros does NOT give us editorial direction or dictates of any kind.
He did suggest we add a comics section. We refused!
We are professional journalists who practice the highest ethical standards in the fake news industry.
Thank you for reading and contributing.