Trump Blames God For World Problems

The president made it clear today he doesn’t care how powerful you are–– if you refuse his “embrace” you are in serious trouble.

Today Donald Trump called The Lint Screen and began an epic rampage against God The Almighty.

“Look, I like God,” Trump said. “He’s a good guy, good work ethic. Did some amazing things in just seven days. Tremendous things–– light, water, animals, people, apple trees, cable TV. But lately, He has not been so good to me.”

Trump is upset the diety seemingly is making his life difficult.

“I went to France,” the president said. “I wanted to honor the people who died in wars. They’re what I call soldiers. Many people don’t know that I coined the term “soldiers.” Anyway, I wanted to go and honor the soldiers who died in World War I. That was a big war. A very big war. It was like the whole world was at war. But I couldn’t go to the World War I ceremony because God made it rain. Incredible rain. Very dangerous rain. The kind that makes people wet rain. Why had God forsaken me? What did I ever do to God? I love God, and this is how He pays me back? Not good, God. Not good at all, let me tell you.”

Trump continued his rant.

“Meanwhile, California has wildfires. Awful fires. But does God give California rain? No. But, maybe it’s California’s fault because they did not support me in the election. A very blue state. So, maybe God is paying them back. Maybe God isn’t such a bad guy. We’ll see. We’ll see. God, if You’re listening, it’s not too late to accept the embrace. The embrace is good. The embrace can do miracles, believe me. Take the Trump embrace. And call off Mueller’s witch hunt.“