$50 billion later, Mr. Bernard Madoff’s about as cool as a penguin on fire.

    The poor huckster is hiding the shame he must feel after being taken for $50 billion by a lawyer claiming to represent a deposed Nigerian prince who owns a Greek fishing cap with magical powers to make its owner as cool as Fonzie. Madoff paid the piper but has heard no music just yet.

   Now Madoff appears in public wearing a baseball cap, decidedly uncool headwear. Meanwhile, one imagines the legendary Greek fishing cap somewhere perched atop the skull on one cool hombre. One must get back to work, however, lest one lose hours imagining oneself as said cool hombre wearing the magical Greek fishing cap.

    “Why me?” said an anguished Madoff as he removed his stupid ballcap and rubbed his hair, “I don’t deserve this kind of pain and suffering.” He suddenly stopped, looked to his shoulders and cried, “No, not dandruff, too! Why does God hate me so?”