Furry friends with bad cases of jangly nerves, dieting monkeys, post-coital chimps– they all need our help. They can’t resist the seductive allure of nicotine, but we can help give them a fighting chance by being strong when they are weak.
Working together, we can raise the funds necessary to supply these chimps and monkeys nicotine gum and nicotine patches. These are the tools they need to build a foundation of willpower and get the tobacco monkeys off their backs.
Won’t you help? Send money (a little more than you can afford) to me c/o The Lint Screen and together we’ll help monkeys and chimps evolve some healthier habits.
My cousin out in Acworth doesn’t think you’re gonna get those patches to stick to monkey fur. They don’t stick to his friend Eli, but he’s hairier than most.
Tell your know-it-all cousin I have a hot glue gun. It’ll stick!
Actually, I think they look pretty cute when they’re smoking. At least then they’re not scratching their butts and flinging poo at each other.
Yes, they are cute smoking. But they’re also cute with the poo-flinging.
Captain Chimp sez:
back to the monkeys, eh?
It always comes back to the monkeys…
Nicotine is one of the most addicting substance in this world so avoid smoking cigarettes.~;,
Thank you for that medical advice. Keep collecting Lint– it’s good for you!