“We are sick and tired of everyone playing the ‘blame game’ with us,” said an anonymous legal spokesperson for the three companies. “The fact of the matter is we are losing a fortune in potential revenue because this unfortunate incident occurred, not far from the United States. Since the oil will eventually wash ashore to the U.S. mainland, we believe we are entitled to fair compensation. Let’s face it, savvy individuals will most certainly collect the crude oil and refine it at home. Essentially, it’s like BP, Halliburton and Transocean are giving America free gasoline! We can’t possibly do that, we’d go out of business.”
The spokesperson stressed that the companies have agreed to give the government a substantial quantity discount for the oil.
“Our invoice to the government for the Deepwater Horizon boo-boo reflects a substantial 50% discount on the current market value price for a barrel of crude oil. We believe this discount shows our serious commitment to enhancing the quality of life for all Americans–– a plucky lot who enjoy good do-it-yourself projects like making your own gasoline.”
When asked if the spokesperson was serious, he said, “Absolutely. You’re welcome, America. Our little accident is your good fortune. Enjoy!”
Funny!! I want more.
Brilliant…!
Thanks. Please spread the word– Lint needs collectors.
Alexander– I’ll do more as they strike me, although frankly the BP responses are getting so outlandish it’s tough to top them.
Thank God 50% of the oil that washes ashore is all that they are asking for. i was afraid they were going to ask to tap into our Oil Spill Relief Fund!
These companies are very generous, and they are giving us all a BIG break! Thanks for reading.