The Lint Screen

Whisk Broom Elected Senator

Written by

PD Scullin

in

New Senator of Wisconsin!
Yesterday’s dramatic election sent a strong message to Washington, D.C.: “Get outta here, you bums, we’re sick and tired of your infernal shenanigans– so much so that we’re going to send all kinds of looneys to replace you just to prove a point of how hacked-off we are!”

And so it came to pass that a number of incumbents were tossed aside like yesterday’s spent coffee grinds in favor or radical “antiestablishment” candidates, including in one surprising upset, a whisk broom was elected the new Senator from the great state of Wisconsin.

An actual whisk broom!

“Originally, we put the whisk broom in the election as a joke,” said Marty Fingletreat, chairman of the Angry Tea Dumper Party, “but then it started doing really well in the polls. We knew this inanimate object might have a chance. So, we got some serious PAC money behind us to slam the broom’s opponent, and bippity-boo-scattamazoo– whiskers the broom won! What an incredible story, a true American tale. It’ll be interesting to see how it does in Washington. We’re already raising funds for whisk broom’s reelection.”

And so is written a new chapter of American politics. Sweet dreams, citizens, sleep well.

Comments

4 responses to “Whisk Broom Elected Senator”

  1. Curvin O'Rielly Avatar
    Curvin O’Rielly

    What a nutty election. Winston Churchill got it right when he said, “The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

  2. admin Avatar
    admin

    The Citizens United ruling ensures our elections and be mucked-up for a long, long time. Salute your corporate overlords, people!

  3. Curvin O'Rielly Avatar
    Curvin O’Rielly

    The Founders would be pissed. Some of them, anyway. Adams, Madison and Jefferson would say, “For Christ’s sake, we agreed it would be ‘We the people,’ not ‘We the overlords.’” And Lincoln would say, “Hey, guys… I said, ‘Of the people, by the people, for the people,’ not ‘of the overlords, by the overlords, for the overlords.’” And FDR would say, “Well, I said, ‘We have nothing to fear but fear itself,’ but now, I gotta tell you, I’m scared shitless. And I’m from the landed gentry, for God’s sake!”

  4. Patrick Scullin Avatar
    Patrick Scullin

    So true, so true, so true.
    So sad.

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