Obama Considers Buying Ranch

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Obama may soon be growing brush to clear some brush.
In an attempt to bolster his sagging approval ratings, President Barack Obama is reportedly giving serious consideration to buying a ranch.

An anonymous source in Obama’s secret inner circle called “The Whispering Shadows of Secrecy And Skullduggery” said the story is absolutely true during a clandestine meeting with this journalist at a popular Washington, D.C. restaurant.

“Obama’s been in Washington a couple years now,” said the source, “and he just can’t crack that darn bipartisan political nut. I mean, the democrats got hammered in the last elections. We need a huge ‘Hail Mary’ play, and the President thinks he’s got one.”

The source quickly darted his eyes around the restaurant nervously, then hurridly applied gum spirits and a fake Van dyke beard to his face. He spoke in angel kiss-soft hushed whisper.

Reagan puts in a good day's work.

“The President is an astute student of history and he’s been studying common traits of popular presidents of recent times. He believes he’s cracked the code for gaining favor with the American public: brush clearing.”

The antsy man quickly reached into his suit jacket pocket and put on a pair of dark granny sunglasses. He continued his whispering but affected a Romanian accent.

“Look, Ronald Reagan was an actor before he got into politics, right? So he naturally understood the importance of set design, wardrobe, props– the whole enchilada. What’s he do when approval ratings sag? He spends some time on a ranch clearing brush and voila, his popularity skyrockets! Genius, sheer genius!”

The nervous source quickly donned an orange leather fedora hat with a long peacock feather propped out of the brim, darted his eyes about the room and continued in a whisper.

W. knew the importance of clearing brush.
“Now fast forward to George W. Bush’s two-term presidency. W. had his ranch near Crawford, Texas. He made 77 trips there over his eight years as president and spent all or part of 490 days there. That’s a lot of brush clearing, but he did it gladly to get out of the Washington bubble. Obama’s finally getting the message: the public likes a president who can clear him some brush!”

The unnamed source quickly dove beneath the table and continued. “Once Obama gets his ranch, raises some brush and then clears same brush, well, look out. He’ll be a lock for a second term.”

With that, the Washington insider began crawling in a serpentine pattern across the restaurant floor toward the door and vanished into the street, sticking this reporter with the check.

Washington insiders definitely know how to play hardball.

9 thoughts on “Obama Considers Buying Ranch”

  2. Perhaps. Indonesian brush has always been highly prized for its brushiness.

    BTW, I finally saw “I Am Love”, on your recommendation, and liked it. A slow burner, but riveting throughout. Thanks for the tip.

  3. Obama can pull off the same sort of stunt without buying a ranch or traveling. Just dress him up in the same outfit (blue jeans, boots, blue shirt, cowboy hat) and take his picture on the White House lawn doing something useful with a garden tool, like trimming bushes, spraying weeds, or picking up dog poop.

  4. Thanks, Bill, but I’m afraid unless he clears brush, the people won’t go for it. We are a nation that loves brush clearing types– it’s in our DNA!

    Maybe they could raise some brush in the rose garden…

  5. Can he clean up brush at Camp David or possibly some national park near DC? We don’t want him wandering too far from the Oval Office. After all, he’s got a big job to do. This country won’t run itself, no matter what anti-federalists may think. (Good idea to raise brush in the Rose Garden. And then there’s that garden the First Lady started. Lots of room for brush there.)

    Happy you “liked” my movie recommendation. I saw it twice. Want to see it again.

  6. Good idea on Camp David brush, and I agree it’s best to keep him close to home. I’d forgotten about Michelle’s garden. If the soil grows veggies, brush is a natural.

    Yes, I more than liked “I am love”. It unfolded slowly, but what a riveting tale. And beautiful, too. An orgy for the eyes. Terrific acting, interesting directing. A gem, that one– thanks again for the tip.

  7. Sorry, I missed the Wild West brush-clearing cowboy theme. Well partner, if you want to corral the tongue-wagging and keep bushwackin’ varmints from hijacking your blog, you go right ahead. After all, it’s your town and you’re wearing the badge.

    Billy the Kid

  9. Bill’s idea of sending the prez out to clean up dog poop isn’t a bad one. No other POTUS has ever done it, after all, and God knows there’s a whole lot of dog poop and other versions of the stuff throughout DC. It would have to be a bipartisan effort for it to be fully successful, however, so I suppose it’s only an idle dream at this point.

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