Effective February 1, 2011, the Federal Deficit Reduction/Tax Cutting & Enhanced Entitlement Program goes into effect at a projected cost of $6.9 trillion. This program will employ 5.5 million Americans who will review ways to cut taxes for the wealthiest 1% of Americans while creating enhanced entitlement programs for the other 99%.
“It’s really pretty brilliant,” said a Republican legislator, “we’ll cut unemployment by hiring over five and a half million Americans and boost the economy by giving huge tax breaks to the wealthy that will trickle down to commoners. Then, we’ll give extended government entitlements. This will trigger hiring even more government employees to manage the paperwork. This means we’ll cut unemployment even more!”
“Our program should be called ‘having your cake and eating it, too!'” said a Democratic legislator who also was also involved with the creation of this new government body. “The best thing about the program is that no one has to sacrifice.”
The estimated cost of the new deficit reduction program will bring the U.S. government deficit to just over $20 trillion. Some legislators are grumbling about the program saying that we need to form a new governmental agency to look into ways of reducing the size of government.
As long as I’m one of the five and a half million, I’m okay with this plan. How much will I be paid? When does the job start? Can I do it from home? If I have to show up in a federal office somewhere, can I take afternoon naps?
Name your salary and start date. Just use your creativity to devise ways for more tax cuts– especially for the rich. Come up with innovative ways to give bankers bigger bonuses– tax free! When that wealth trickles down, we’ll all be flush with cash.
Oh, and you can work at home or wherever you feel comfy.
Welcome aboard! Free ice cream for all!
Let’s hear it for benevolence. Throw everybody a bone and ignore the “nattering nabobs of negativism”.
No one solves problems quite like a politician solves problems!
Hoo-ray for us!
I refuse to put the burden of America’s ever expanding deficit on the backs of my great, great grand children.
But what the Hell, I’ll be long gone and they won’t be able to do anything to me so take the chain saw to my taxes baby!
You raise an excellent point, Mr. K. We really shouldn’t worry about future generations because well, we’ve been going downhill ever since the “Greatest Generation” and if they have to pay the price for our gluttony, so be it.
Oppressive debt builds character. A bleak future forces one to develop a sunny disposition.
Let’s put another couple trillion on the U.S. AmEx and have a bash!