We have an exclusive sneak peek at Kate’s wedding dress!!!!
Oh, she’s a beaut, she is– all pretty in pink with a bell shape to make Kate’s legs ring-a-ling-a-ding down the aisle of Westminster Abbey. This breathtaking gown has lacy accents and enough class to fill both Oxford and Cambridge!
We suspect William’s knees will turn to soft toffee pudding when he catches a good gander at his mate all pretty in pink, ready for a dance and a drink. Terrence Ogden Nigel Cuppenstunce, a noted British fashion designer, says the dress is surprising in a number of ways.
“Kate eschewed the boring canvas of white or off-white in favor of some vibrancy and life. I love the poofy scoopage around her neck, and the long satin gloves add a certain swankiness that is, how you say– beautitific! Oh, this is a dress for the ages and I am quite literally breathless in anticipation.” With that, the elderly designer collapsed to the ground clutching his chest and gasping for sweet life.
William, you’re one lucky dog!
Cuppenstunce collapsed to the ground? Does that mean he’s gone? I suppose he was shocked that Kate won’t be wearing virginal white. Well, he shouldn’t have been. She’s a commoner, after all, and you know how commoners behave. Come to think of it, maybe royals behave the same way. There’d be a Pulitzer in the story if you were able to dig up the truth and report it on The Lint Screen.
Mr. Cuppenstunce was last seen clutching his chest and writhing on the sidewalk, hardly the sort of behavior one expects from a member of the better classes (and a fashion expert, to boot). If he is indeed with us, let us hope he learns how to behave in public.
Thanks for the advice on looking into the mating habits of commoners and Royals. I may consider such a move as TLS was yet again passed over by the Pulitzer Selection Committee. Your subject may be just the cheese I need to snare one of those fancy Pulitzers.