The Lint Screen

U.S.A. Applies For Discover Card

Written by

PD Scullin

in

The U.S. Government is about to become deadbeat nation if it defaults on its loans by not raising the debt ceiling by August 2.

For months, Washington has been gridlocked in finding a bipartisan solution. Today, one was found: the United States of America has applied for a Discover Card.

“When we get the card,” said a Washington insider proudly, “we’ll be able to pay our debts plus earn some cash back. We can spend that money on a new bomber or some corn subsidies. Discover is accepted by most foreign powers, so we should be good for awhile. When we get the bill, we’ll just pay the minimum balance. And if we get in over our head and we’re not able to pay the minimum balance, we’ll apply for a Visa. We’ll be fine.”

Comments

6 responses to “U.S.A. Applies For Discover Card”

  1. Kitty Avatar
    Kitty

    All this time, I just thought you were a talented writer. Now I find you are also a financial genius. I would tip my hat to you, but it’s raining in Portland, and my head would get soggy.

  2. Curvin ORielly Avatar
    Curvin ORielly

    A Discover card? A Visa or Mastercard? Brilliant!

    I wonder, though.

    If Moody’s and Standard & Poor’s lowers the US’s credit rating in the event of a default, what will happen to the nation’s FICO score?

    You can’t get a credit card or a loan for anything if you’ve got a low FICO score. Well, you can get a card or a loan, but the interest rate is always a killer, unless you pay the balance in full every month.

    And who, after all, does that when they’re so stretched that they haven’t been able to pay their monthly bills in time and have been put in the position that they have a low FICO score?

    Instead of buying things on credit, maybe we’ll have to pay cash in the future, which a lot of people with low FICO scores do. Or maybe we’ll even have to buy expensive things on layaway, which is good because perhaps it’ll stop us from rushing pell-mell into acquiring things we don’t actually need or can’t afford.

    I have no idea how paying cash or buying on layaway would work. For that matter, I have no idea if either idea is even remotely practical. Greater minds than mine should think about both ideas, however, along with your idea of using credit cards.

  3. admin Avatar
    admin

    Curvin, you raise some excellent points. Perhaps the government could get a checking account and write some rubber checks.

    It’s a pickle, it is.

    Ms. Kitty has served the role as official sage economics counsel to The Lint Screen, maybe she has some ideas…

  4. Bill Avatar
    Bill

    Have you got any more pictures of that card? I just need the last 3 digits, the expiration date, and the 3 digit code on the back.

    Thanks!

  5. Kitty Avatar
    Kitty

    My sage economic advice could not possibly be as good as this idea, Patrick. But I do advise you to appoint a Sergeant at Arms. His first task will be to question Bill.

  6. admin Avatar
    admin

    Thanks, Ms. Kitty.

    Bill, you are under house arrest.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

More posts