Nation Contemplates Internet Scam

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Mysterious insider spills guts of new plot.
With the United States government facing impending default, politicians have been scrambling for a solution. The latest involves using the internet to hoodwink people into giving needed funds to pay our debtors.

In a secret conversation held in Washington, a top ranking official confidentially told The Lint Screen that the deal has gained bipartisan approval and looks like it will be going forward.

“What we’ll do is blanket the world with an e-mail from a fictitious diplomat who is managing the estate of his recently departed relative. He’ll inform the recepient that he or she can receive $680,000,000 in U.S. funds that was left them by a distant rich uncle. In order to get the monies, the person simply needs to forward some information like his or her personal bank account number so that we can wire the funds. When the mark writes back with the financial info, we suck the account dry. The whole thing’s a brilliant ruse, see, there is no dead rich uncle– the uncle is Uncle Sam and he’ll get rich toot-sweet with this little scam!”

With that, the insider laughed loudly, ignited a Chesterfield, inhaled deeply and walked into the shadows of the Lincoln Memorial as he whistled.

Sleep well, America. We’re almost rich.

8 thoughts on “Nation Contemplates Internet Scam”

  1. Got an e-mail. Did exactly what I was told to do. Got a second e-mail suggesting that I must be holding something back since they didn’t get much cash out of my account. Wrote back and told them there’d be more cash in my account as soon as my Social Security payment arrives. Got a third e-mail. “Ha ha ha ha,” it said. “So silly of you to think a Social Payment will arrive.”

  2. That’s weird– the new e-mail plan is supposed to tap foreigners, since the only people in USA with money are millionaires and they have politicians to protect them.

    Give what you can!

  3. Could have been phishing. Could have been I just looked gullible. What do you think the chances are that I’ll get the money back? Slim and none? That’s what I thought, too.

  5. Okay, so I’ll never see the money again. I can get over it. Besides, it was only a piddly amount that they pilfered out of my bank account. Fortunately, it’s the summer tourist season where I live. I can panhandle with a guitar and bluesy tunes. I can’t play the guitar or sing, but if I get enough every day for a ham and cheese sandwich, I’ll be happy.

    Next time you talk with your insider, ask him how the plan is going. And ask him, too, if I can bum a Chesterfield off him. I haven’t seen them in stores lately, but they must be good smokes.

    Years ago, Ronald Reagan appeared in their advertising. He said he was sending Chesterfields to all his friends for Christmas. Great way to lose friends, right? Not only right away because they’d be peeved but also years later because they’d die of the Big C.

  6. It’s good to make the cash while the tourists are trolling. Strum that guitar, sing those songs, collect those coins and eat those ham & cheese sammies.

    One must stockpile for the cold season, harvest while you can.

    And always follow the advice of St. Ron.

    Always!

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