“We need to finally recognize Monopoly money as legal tender,” says the man who describes himself as a distinguished economist from his home behind a dumpster in an alley outside a Papa John’s Pizza in Lexington, Kentucky.
“People are afraid to spend because they don’t know what the economy is going to do. Well, let’s give them the power to enjoy spending again. You shouldn’t have to pass ‘GO’ to enjoy yourself. We have the means– just about every household has a Monopoly game– let’s use it! I think it’s a crackerjack idea and crackerjacks usually have a prize inside which is like getting a Bazooka Joe comic inside a chunk of Bazooka gum and by gum I think something or other is just what we need to do so let’s do it. Now, where was I?”
Government officials have declined comment on the proposal, but irate tea party members say that if it is enacted, they refuse to pay any luxury tax, period.
Please describe Geoffrey. If he’s the man I think he might be, he’s been missing from the Peaceful Valley Rest Home for several weeks. We’ve been worrying about him and will send a vehicle to fetch him. Assuming a well-worn Monopoly game with the initials “PVRH” inside the box is in his possession, kindly return same with Geoffrey. His former colleagues will appreciate it.
Geoffrey is a distinguished looking man who smells like artichokes, pea soup and sharp cheddar cheese. I would tell you more, but he slipped me $1,000 in Monopoly money to keep my big yap shut.
He tells me he is NOT the man you are looking for so please do not try and apprehend him. He will disappear. He says he can do this at will.
Our Geoffrey smells like aged asiago cheese. Can’t be the same man. Wish your Geoffrey well. For the safe return of our Geoffrey, by the way, we’re offering a reward of $10,000 in Monopoly money.