“It is absolutely outrageous that a creature capable of such a disgusting, despicable act is seeking the highest office in the land,” said a visibly upset Dan Gruthers, campaign manager for Ms. Pickles. “We’ve seen this candidate eat a competitor at a debate, now we’re witness to his brazen acts of bodily functions against our sainted firefighters–– it is an affront to the American way of civilized life! We cannot live in a country where our leaders leave liquid reminders of where they’ve been.”
“Tell the Pickles people to get their panties unknotted,” said Santy Paws campaign manager, Sam Merchant. “These claims are completely baseless and are obviously the attempt of a frightened competitor to bloody the nose of a far superior fighter. Santy Paws categorically denies ever having known or visited the fire hydrant in question. Now see here, if Pickles wants to play hard ball, we’ll play hard ball with that lice-ridden little ape. We ain’t saying bupkis on this matter no more!”
Santy Paws is innocent? We can get to the truth real fast with a forensics test, including a DNA study, of the fire hydrant and the area immediately around it.
By Jimmy, you’re right! We have the technology and the CSI gear at hand.
I’ll immediately start dusting the area for paw prints…
I’ll cover the investigation, but I’ll need a couple of helpers. Maybe forensics specialist Abby Sciuto (Pauley Perrette) and special agent Ziva David (Cote de Pablo) from NCIS.
No problem. I’ll speak to the skipper and get the O.K. on overtime.
Get to the truth!
http://www.biology.arizona.edu/human_bio/problem_sets/DNA_forensics_2/06t.html Urine does not contain DNA. Sometimes I wonder whether you guys are just fooling around.
NOW you tell us.
The urine samples we have gathered appear to contain a high percentage of dog pee.
Science marches on!
Thanks, Ms. Kitty. Why didn’t you tell me before I wasted so much time collecting samples? And now that I’ve got the samples, what am I supposed to do with them? Send them to you?
I checked the Google and no one else is operating a business called “Ms. Kitty’s House of Dog Urine Samples.”
Seems like opportunity is a-knocking.