Ms. Pickles Disavows Super PAC Ads

Today, lovable monkey presidential candidate, Ms. Pickles, categorically denied the recent wave of negative advertising run by her Super PAC, Citizens For A World Worth Living In.

Although the monkey is incapable of human speech, a translator told reporters what Ms. Pickles’ monkey sounds meant.

“As far as my recent Super PAC ads state, let me say that I do not know for a fact that IBM’s Watson computer loved to help Bin Laden play Jeopardy. I’m also not sure Santy Paws wants to kill the first born of every American family, nor am I positive that bag of Fritos wishes death upon American infidels who do not praise Allah. I also am not certain Big Ol’ Slab o’ Granite wishes to raise taxes to 99% and legalize heroin. I ask my Super PAC to please check these commercials for accuracy and if they are not correct, try to take them off the airwaves in the next year or so in the interest of fairness.”