Santa Attempts Plea Bargain

It’s not over until the fat guy sings.

The latest from the jail holding Santa Claus is that the merry man has made overtures through his attorney to the district attorney that the convict would like to plea bargain for reduced sentencing.

Rumors are circulating that the big man is prepared to drop a dime on Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer and tell officials how the antlered wonder developed his famous cherry red snorter through sniffing snow, and not the cold kind.

Also, Claus apparently has heavy dirt to tell about the sexually deviant behavior of his elves and how they have secretly outsourced most of their labor to China where working conditions are deplorable and pay is pitiful.

When confronted by reporters, the attorney for Mr. Claus, “Mugsy” Talkinfine said, “Say, get outta my way, see? Don’t make me slug ya inkstains in yer kissers, see? I ain’t talkin’ to no one no how, my lips are zippered, see?” The legal beagle walked away in what one observant reporter described as “a huff.”