Following the tragic slayings at an elementary school in Newton, Connecticut, National Rifle Association president Wayne LaPierre assembled a tactical think tank that included rocker Ted Nugent. Today, LaPierre and Nugent met with reporters to outline their plans to ensure safety. LaPierre read the following prepared statement:
“First, make it mandatory that every U.S. citizen of any age be armed with one loaded Glock with ten additional full clips and a Bushmaster ACR modified to accept high capacity magazines. In addition, six hand grenades and four small nuclear missiles and a launcher. Also, an iPod, loaded with Ted Nugent’s superb albums Cat Scratch Fever, Free-For-All and Love Grenade. If citizens bear these arms, that will eliminate the potential for trouble.
Second, all public places should have at least one very heavily armed guard dressed like John Wayne in Rio Bravo, with a white cowboy hat. It’s very important that the hat be white. Good guys always wear white hats. Good guys can protect us, they need white hats. And guns–– lots and lots of guns!
Lastly, we need to enhance all rights associated with ‘stand your ground’ laws. If you even think that maybe your ground could be, possibly perhaps even thought to be a potential victim of being stepped upon, fire first and fire heavily. Find out the answers later.
We believe these measures are the only sensible way to ensure safety for all Americans. It is a rational response. These proposals are also in the spirit of what our forefathers wanted when they gave us the right to bear semi automatic high powered weapons and gonzo capacity clips,” said Mr. LaPierre as he folded his prepared statement and picked up a Bushmaster BA50. He gave reporters in the front row ‘the stink-eye.’
“Damn straight, whoa yeah, babe!” shouted a shirtless Ted Nugent standing by LaPierre’s side wearing strings of bullets crisscrossing his bare chest with a .50 Browning Machine Gun in one hand and a Bowtech Invasion CPX bow in the other.
6 responses to “NRA’s LaPierre And Nugent Outline Public Safety Measures”
I’m assuming it goes without saying that Nugent will be accompanied by a blonde 14 year old in Daisy Dukes, screaming “Whoo hooo” and waving a bottle of Jack (that she’s holding for him, of course).
Obviously, Ms. K.
He’s “THE NUGE!”
This is Y abortion should be legal .
Some people!
Your photo of the Big Duke reminds me of an actor/comedian friend that used to do impressions. I say “used to” because he realized that most everybody he imitated is dead. There’s just not much demand for George Jessel impressions these days.
Still, I like your choice for cinematic hero wearing hat. Who else could it be? Sylvester Stallone? Arnold?
No, the only one who might rival the Duke is Clint Eastwood–before he talked to empty chairs.
I would like to hear your friend’s impressions. I think I still recall what George Jessel sounded like.
Thanks, Bill.