Here are some safe bets as the Papal conclave to replace retired Benedict XVI begins in Rome:
– The new Pope will be Catholic (or at least a very conservative Methodist)
– The new Pope may look into securing a new Pope Mobile as attractive financing rates are available for a limited time only during Pope-A-Thon Daze
– Chances are the new church leader will not select the following names: Pope Awesome, Pope Spike, Pope Jimmy T., Pope Coolness or Pope Slappy
– The smart money is on the winner being male
– Although campaigning will be intense, Karl Rove and James Carvelle will not secure consultant fees
– The winning candidate will most likely not moondance and trash talk competitors
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I’m hoping your first prediction holds up. It took me a long time to stop saying “Does a bear sh#$%t in the woods?”
You prayers are granted, Bill.
Go in peace.