“It’s tiring doing nothing to help the American people,” said an anonymous congressman as he headed off for the five-week Summer break Congress that began on Monday.
“If I had one more day of obstructing progress, I think I’d die,” said another lawmaker. “People have no idea how hard it is to try and bring the country to its knees and grind our economy into the ground.”
“I came here with one stated purpose,” said a Senator who demanded his name not be disclosed, “and that was to prove that government doesn’t work. I wanted to be elected so I could wreck the political system from the inside. It’s a noble goal I have, like strangling a kitten to prove it doesn’t really need lungs. Of course, cats have eight more lives.”
“My arms are exhausted,” said another congress member,” from acting as a puppet to special interest groups. The strings are killing me!”
Congress people scattered across the country to enjoy their well-earned break. “We’ve got to come back in five weeks,” said a congresswoman, “and we’ll have to be in great shape to endure what lobbyists do to bend our ears: endless rich dinners, expensive booze and getting our pockets stuffed with contribution checks It’s tough work, but it’s what I came to Washington to do! And when I decide to get off this gravy train, I want to be a lobbyist. Why not? I’ll have a great healthcare and pension plan for life.”