It is a White House tradition for the President to pardon a turkey just before Thanksgiving, but this year Barack Obama put a spin on it–– he had two birds with their necks on the chopping block and put it up to an internet vote which would be dressed to kill.
Then, Obama ignored the will of the people and pardoned both “Popcorn” and “Caramel”, the two Minnesota gobblers who are now suspected in a killing rampage.
Since the two toms flew the coop, nine turkey farmers across America have suffered mysterious and brutal deaths. The only clue at the scene of each crime has been a note in chicken-like scratch reading “Who’s sorry now?! You’ve been served by Popcorn & Caramel.”
Authorities are looking for the big birds but have no clue as to their whereabouts. Many conservatives are blaming Obama.
“If he hadn’t let those gobblers loose, we wouldn’t be under siege from rogue turkeys,” said one right winger. We should have been eating them, instead of feasting on fear that they’re seeking revenge.”