His face may be plastic, but that doesn’t mean Barbie doll’s main man, Ken, can’t cry.
“I can’t believe she did this to me,” said a visibly distraught Ken as he drank from a bottle of Wild Turkey. “You think you know someone, and she goes and does something like this–– parading herself almost nude to the world. It’s outrageous. I mean, I’ve been with her like half a century. Cripes, I got myself fixed and everything. Now she goes and does this. I can’t believe how she’s betrayed me,” Ken said lighting a Lucky Strike and gulping from his liquor bottle like a ‘lil Baby Burpee doll.
“I’ve got half a mind to dump her. I mean, come on, I know what guys do when the swimsuit issue comes out, and that’s no sport that needs illustrated.” Ken fell off his bar stool and sobbed as he wet himself.
Barbie could not be reached for comment.
Hello Mr. Lintscreen,
Kudos on this scoop, it seems to be exclusive. I’m curious about how you arranged for the interview. Does Ken have an agent or did you just happen to run into him in a bar? And how did he get up on the bar stool in the first place?
Thanks!
Excellent questions, Bill. Have you ever thought of working for The Lint Screen?
The interview was arranged through Ken’s publicist, a Cabbage Patch doll named Bobby Smidlap (who has breath that smells of pickled eggs and turpentine).
Ken did not sit at the bar, he sat ON the bar. The poor guy has not aged well. I think he may have had some “work” done. He could use some more.
Thanks for your probing questions and consider placing a PRESS card in your fedora on our behalf!