The population of Afghanistan turned out in droves today in a special election to abolish purple ink in the country.
“We’re sick and tired of dipping our index finger in the stuff after we vote,” said an irate Afghan man, age 58, who ironically had to dip his finger into purple ink after casting his vote. “The stupid stuff stains the index finger, and no amount of scrubbing can remove the unsightly purple stain it leaves behind. Makes us look like a bunch of Minnesota Vikings fans, or stupid supporters of Barney the dinosaur. It’s disgusting!”
A young Afghanistan woman agreed. “I don’t know why we have to live in such appalling conditions. It seems other countries can vote without dipping, why can’t we? The ink does a number on my cuticle. And purple is such an awful color to accessorize. Enough already!”
Even with so many stating their displeasure, there is speculation that the election is rigged and that the tradition of purple ink-dipping will continue. “The Taliban has the purple ink market cornered,” said an insider who wished to remain anonymous to maintain his ability to breathe. “Purple dipping represents a huge business for the Taliban. That, heroin, and cotton candy sales.”