Tim Walprubb announced today that he has ordered a selfie stick from Amazon. “I felt like the time was right,” said the Facebooker with over 45 close friends. “Once I get my ‘mug-o-lator’, I can take all sorts of snaps and post them. I think it’s really going to change the game for me.”
Walprubb, age 34, has never married or been in a serious relationship. “Not that I know of,” he says, then adds, “LOL!” He believes the selfie stick could be the key to his future happiness and finding love. “I think my biggest problem might be that people aren’t getting a sense of my zany brand of humor. With the selfie stick, I’ll be able to snap candids of me in shoe stores, with my cats, peeping out of sewers, dumpster diving or leaning over a bridge like I’m going to jump–– just about anywhere–– it’s all fair game once I get team SS working for me! It was either get the selfie stick, or grow my arms three or four feet! I searched like the dickens, and Amazon doesn’t sell racks for stretching. LMAO!!!”
Interested women should “friend” Tim Walprubb on the popular Facebook website, and be on the lookout for more candid shots of the self-described “Walprubberator”.
Psst! Hey Lintscreen! Look out! A certain powerful organization is on the warpath to “beautify the Internet” by pressuring respected newsy type sites like yours to remove objectionable material. I have inside information that their investigators have been nosing around your site and are focusing their attention on the photo you’ve featured in this article. In fact, I overheard a few of them yucking it with a bunch of “I’ve seen better legs on a (fill in the blank)” type jokes.
Watch out! These people don’t mess around.
This is truly disturbing news, Bill. Big Brother is watching and he’s making snarky comments.
Perhaps after BB sees the selfies taken with a selfie stick posted by Mr. Walprubb in the future, he will change his tune.
As for TLS, we will continue our high standards of journalism and not be intimidated by the taste police.
(Please be careful, officer… those cuffs are pinching my wrists…)