U.S. intelligence officials announced today they are “fighting terror with sorrow” by deploying Smookie The Sad Kitten on known terrorist websites.
“We’ve been working on the technology under wraps for years,” John Smith (not his real name, it’s an alias for Chuck Windowbee of Arlington, Virginia) told The Lint Screen. “We decided it was time to fight these bastards where it hurts–– in the cute kitten department!”
Smith says that by closely monitoring known ISIS websites, the intelligence community discovered that terrorists are responsible for some of the heaviest traffic in searches for “cute kittens” on the internet.
“But now, when some bad guy wants to unwind with some snaps of cute kittens, he’s going to be served a depressing dish of sadness, compliments of Smookie, the most forlorn bundle of fur anyone’s ever laid their pitiful eyes on. Smookie instantly sucks up all the happiness in the world. Take that you merciless killers!”
Smith gave a maniacal laugh then draped himself with a black blanket and slunk out the door, probably to go his home at 1377 Chestnut Terrace Drive in Arlington.
Leave a Reply