Although the game is just a week old, Pokemon Go is attracting rage worldwide.
First, it was numbskulls playing the augmented reality game at places honoring those who perished in awful realities–– Auschwitz, Arlington National Cemetery, and the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum, but now a new group has taken offense, the anti-immigration crowd.
“There ain’t no sugar-coating it,” Rodney Smallchiks, head of Americans Agin Outsiders, a protest group formed in Springfield, Missouri told The Lint Screen. “These Pokémon freaks are running all over Merica, and until we build a big enough wall around our borders, we are doomed. Tell the truth, I’m not so sure even hundred-foot electric walls with jagged barbed wire and a moat filled with great white sharks, piranha, and electric eels can keep them out.”
Smallchiks leads a group of 830 people who have banded together against the popular game, and he says his angry mob is growing. “I’m hearing from folks all over the country that they don’t want these little creepy characters running around and causing a commotion. It’s just a matter of time until they get themselves some Social Security, take all our jobs, and live cushy welfare lives. It won’t stand, not as long as we’re drawing breaths. Our crew has been scouring the country trying to catch the buggers fast as we can, but damn if they don’t keep coming!”
Curiously, no major politician has come out with a plan to curb the infestation of Pokémon characters in America. “I suspect these Pokémon got themselves some deep pockets and have a strong lobby in Washington. But my people aren’t voting for any candidate until they propose their plan for eradicating Pokémon! Something’s got to be done, and fast!”
Smallchiks does have some hope for a solution. “Few years back, I formed a posse to deal with the Angry Birds problem. While we didn’t solve it completely, I think we made some progress.”