Yesterday, the beleaguered Democratic Party unveiled a new rallying cry, and The Lint Screen met with members of Hiley, Musgrove & Binburner, the famed Washington D.C. political marketing group, to discuss the making of the new branding campaign.
“We did extensive focus group testing,” said creative director Chip Musgrove, “and the winning slogan was A better deal. People liked the idea of a better deal for them.”
“It was very scientific,” added senior strategist Tom Hiley. “We asked a wide spectrum of citizens if they would prefer things like a better job, better wages, and a better future. Amazingly, almost a hundred percent of people said they would.”
“Not to be dismissive,” Musgrove said, smiling, “but people who didn’t want those things were obviously brain dead or total idiots. The interesting thing was A better deal tested even better than another proposed line, The absolute best, most tremendous deal ever. Incredible deal. A fabulous deal, believe me! People said that particular line sounded too much like a Republican promise.”
“Those guys are good,” commented Hiley, as he exhaled on his vape (chocolate-peppermint flavored smoke–– delish!).
“We tested hundreds of lines,” said Mark Binburner, senior research director. “Some of those included, We’re not him, Bleed your heart, We’re anything but deplorable, Clintons & Co., Your safe space, We’re gonna make it after all, Where political gets corrected, This donkey can kick, Support Chelsea–– it’s her turn, Bringing sanity to the Thanksgiving table, We embrace collars of every color, Tired of losing & ready to win, Something for everyone, and, Decent people, lousy politicians–– let’s change that, okay?
“We think A better deal will be an incredibly successful rallying cry going forward,” Hiley said. “We don’t know how it can miss–– I mean, it was tested in focus groups.”
“Plus,” added Musgrove, “the new Democratic Party chairperson, Debbie Wasserman Schultz, loves it. She thinks it’s perfect, a fresh way of saying we’re all new and improved!”
“Yes, it’s a bold, confident day moving forward,” said Binburner with a broad smile, and two thumbs up.